Tom Izzo

Tom Izzo is being courted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, as of this post he has not decided yet. I will not be happy about this. The Red Wings were knocked out in the second round of the Cup. The Tigers are doing okay. Love ya guy.

New Post....A New Begining?

It is not that I haven't had anything to say. I have been in a funk and surrounded by people in a funk. I have tried to stay positive, but I haven't really exercised for a week and a half. I don't know why I find the need to sabotage myself. I make some real headway and then I lose my way. I find myself looking for something again. I don't know what it is but as usual I turn to food. One more this one more that it will fill the emptiness. It never does. I have had a lot of loss in my life and am not sure I am strong enough. We should be having another baby any day now but that didn't turn out. I should be able to talk to you face to face but that didn't turn out. This past weekend was the second annual memorial golf outing for you, I was not able to go but I am not sure I could have done it. I keep telling myself I forgive you but some days it is very hard. The thing you could have done for me I can't do for my son. At some point this is going to have to change or I will be gone. I guess this is a little heavier than I wanted it to be, but I really need to find a place to express myself. So much crazy is going on right now. Love ya guy.

Sparty

Saturday was the final four game and Sparty lost. It was a BAD game and we deserved to lose, but I am proud they made it to the final four. The Red Wings are struggling for a playoff spot. The Tigers start the season today against the Royals. And the Pistons are rebuilding I guess. Love ya guy.

Forgiven

Yesterday was Easter. It was another holiday I didn't get spend with you. I had finished reading The Shack a couple of weeks ago and this post has been brewing since. I realized I needed to forgive you for leaving me. That is the real anger I have, I am mad that you left me. I really do forgive you and when I say it out loud I feel better. I really do forgive you, and I know I will see you again. I will get by without you physically being here. Once I let the anger go it was amazing to feel the happy memories. I also forgave God yesterday for taking the children away from Kellie and me. It feels strange to forgive God but I don't want the anger anymore. I want to feel the healing and to know in my heart that there is a good reason that bad things happen. I am not going to stop talking to you, but I think I can take the anger out of it now. I do forgive you and I do miss you. Love ya guy.

Which way to look

Today has been a mildly retrospective day. I have definitely looked back. I viewed pictures of you and had some good memories. But today is one of those days where time doesn't feel linear because at the same time i wondered what my son will think of me. It was amazing last night when I held him and he started to fall asleep in my arms, he hasn't done that in a long time. As I looked around the kitchen and saw my family and my house I realized why I do what I do. See yesterday was an extremely draining day. Work kicked my ass and I was down but my family made me happy quickly. This was an older post I never published. Love ya guy.

Luck?

This winter I have had major luck with the snow blower. My snow blower has started the first pull all winter long and that has never happened before. Thank you if you are helping with that. We have been hit with a lot of snow the last couple of days and with the wind the snow has piled up. On Saturday I was reminded that God is there if you ask. I ended up in a ditch and was getting really frustrated and I was about to loose it when I yelled out " God help me." A couple minutes later a pick up truck stopped and offered to help pull me out. Love ya guy.

Happy Belated Birthday

Although I wished you happy birthday on Facebook. You would have been 62 this past Saturday. This year I didn't see anything to buy you like I have in the past. At Christmas the Chow Chow calendar still crosses my mind. I am amazed when I tell people that you would have been 62 and they reply that it is young, dying at 59 was young. I want to celebrate your life and all that you have accomplished. I am letting my anger toward you go. I need to change for my son and I have decided to make that change. I know I have talked about this before and I still have a strong desire to eat when I get stressed. I have to work on making a fundamental change. I need to talk to you more often. I am watching the snow pile up outside the window and can't help but think of the trip mom is on. She was near the shuttle when it launched and I know she was thinking of you. I am making myself sad right now so I think I am done for today, love ya guy.