New Post....A New Begining?

It is not that I haven't had anything to say. I have been in a funk and surrounded by people in a funk. I have tried to stay positive, but I haven't really exercised for a week and a half. I don't know why I find the need to sabotage myself. I make some real headway and then I lose my way. I find myself looking for something again. I don't know what it is but as usual I turn to food. One more this one more that it will fill the emptiness. It never does. I have had a lot of loss in my life and am not sure I am strong enough. We should be having another baby any day now but that didn't turn out. I should be able to talk to you face to face but that didn't turn out. This past weekend was the second annual memorial golf outing for you, I was not able to go but I am not sure I could have done it. I keep telling myself I forgive you but some days it is very hard. The thing you could have done for me I can't do for my son. At some point this is going to have to change or I will be gone. I guess this is a little heavier than I wanted it to be, but I really need to find a place to express myself. So much crazy is going on right now. Love ya guy.