November 2nd.... 4 years later

Tanis and I came to visit mom. Cheri and Alex went to lunch with us. We then went to get flowers, and as it turns out tiny pumpkins for you. Tanis and I decorated 2 little pumpkins with a marker and left them. Mom bought a potted hardy mum plant we left for you. I had to dig some dirt out of your memorial vase to allow for it to sit like it should. It was a little creepy digging in the dirt at a cemetery, and the dirt was hard to wash off. Tears were shed, and Tanis tried hard to cheer mom up, but he didn't really know how. It hasn't gotten any easier. This year more than past years it has weighed heavy on my mind and heart. I am still mad. It seems so senseless. I am mad I haven't learned from you and gotten myself healthy. I am mad that my sister is following you step for step. I am mad that you aren't here anymore. I am mad I have to remember November 2nd and the significance of it. Enough time has not passed, it still feels like a fresh wound. Love ya guy.

Spartan, Tigers and Wings

Tigers lost in the ALCS. Wings came out strong and have faltered recently, but it way early in the season. Spartans have lost 2 games, but are in first place in their division and could be in the inaugural Big Ten championship game. Love ya guy.

Where have I been?

That is a good question. I don't really know how to answer it. I have decided to sabotage my weight loss, and have been going the wrong direction the last few months. I plan on getting on the right path Wednesday. I got lost. I am still lost. I have so many emotions that I don't know how to deal with. The recurring one is anger. I feel like I have been keeping my anger in check for so long it is consuming me. I want to yell, but I choose to be even keeled instead. I am angry about so much. I am angry most of all at myself. I lost close to 90 pounds and gained about half of it back. Why?Because my birthday depressed me? Because I miss you? Pick an excuse because that is all it really is, an excuse. Always looking for fault instead of moving forward. I want to scream sometimes. I am tired of trying to be what I am supposed to be or what people want me to be. I am tired of keeping my opinions inside so as not to offend anybody. My sales training is to blame for that, but I have let it too far into my life. I am a lion and you will hear me roar. Love ya guy.

weight Loss Update

I weighed in today 70 pounds lighter than the first day, May 5th. It has been 62 days. I am excited about this so far and am still on target to lose 100 pounds in 90 days. August 2nd is my 90 day mark. I am excited about this and can't wait to see myself a year from now. Love ya guy!

Happy Birthday Kellie

Today was Kellie's birthday. It was a long day that ended with the building of Legos. I don't have a lot of time so I will tell you more tomorrow. Love ya guy!

Some Updates

The heater for the pool works nicely. The water went from 73 to 82 which was much more enjoyable than the 73. We tried to get the rest of leaves out and I discovered one of the problem was the catch skimmer on the pump was half full of sand. I cleaned that out and it ran a whole lot better. Kellie is going to try and vacuum out the rest of the leaves today. I did 2 new things on the grill last night one was okay the other was a lot better. The first thing was the romaine lettuce which turned out OK, it was a decent flavor but needed something more. The second thing was peaches. i took white peaches and scooped out the pits. I placed them face down on the grill so they could soften some and pick up a grill mark. I then flipped them over and put some brown sugar laced with cinnamon on top. The mixture melted and the peach softened some more, Kellie told me they were great and should would like me to do them again. love ya guy!

Grilling Time

I am going to char some flesh tonight. Kellie has requested pork chops and a grilled romaine salad. I am going to do a chicken breast for me and probably green peppers. I am leaning toward doing mine as a shish kabob. We are going to swim some today, as I got the heater installed yesterday. Part of the swimming will be to vacuum out the last of the leaves. Sunday night is game night so I think we are going to play Hero's Quest. Kellie has to go to school Monday, all she has left is to finish the year book. Love ya guy!

Pool News

Today I tried to install the solar heater for our pool. I had done all of the steps and had even disconnected the hose to the pump and then I found out one of the joint was broken. So I had to hook everything back up and take the broken part to the store. They replaced it so when I get home I can try to finish it. It is supposed to raise the temperature 10 degrees. Tanis went to a casting call to be an extra in a movie, he is definitely going to be an extra and may get a part as a stand in. Love ya guy!

Last Days

Today was Tanis and Kellie's last day of school. Actually Kellie has to work on Monday, but no students. The celebrated by going to Vargos for ice cream. I had a long day at one of the stores interrupted by a meeting with my boss. I know tomorrow will be a good day, I need one. Love ya guy!

Thursday Is Chore Day

Thursday are my have to do it chore day. It is trash day so I have to empty all of the trash cans and take the trash out, I also change the kitty litter. Today I broke down some boxes in the garage as well so I can get them recycled. I have been working on the pool for the past month and hope to install the heater Friday morning. It is a solar heater that claims to be able to raise the temperature by 10 degrees. The cat fell out of the window on Tuesday. She has never been outside before but spent the day doing who knows what. We found her around ten o'clock. I locked down the screen she fell out of as she loves to lay in the window sill when it is open. Love ya guy!

So What Is New?

Like I said before I had an appointment to see a weight loss counselor on May 4th. I met with them and they told me about a new diet called HCG. HCG is a pregnancy hormone that helps the body burn fat and curb appetite. They told me that an average loss of a pound a day was normal on this diet. I decided to try it. For the first 28 days you do the HCG as an injection. The next 30 to 60 days you can do as a spray. Initially you start at 500 calories a day and then move up. I am currently at 600 a day and am doing fine with it. I ended the month of May down 41.8 pounds. I will continue to do this diet and am excited to lose the weight for me and my family. I made a solemn vow to my son to go to Cedar Point opening day next year to ride all the roller coasters. I want to live and i want to truly live not just exist. Love ya guy!

What I Learned From The Trip

1. 18 hours of driving is a long time.

2. T-shirts do NOT work well as sun block.

3. Shuttle launches can be tricky

4. I want to lose weight so I can ride rides and play on the beach with my son.

5. I love my wife even more than I thought, she stood by me through all of the plans and even supported the possibility of flying down on the 16th.

6. I love my son and never want to see his eyes fill with tears like they did the day we headed home after telling him we wouldn't get to see the Shuttle.

7. God has a plan for us. Every day turned out perfect. Thursday was a slow day at Universal, Friday the visitor center thinned out, Saturday was shopping at Disney we wouldn't have been able to do, Sunday was mini golf for Tanis and I, Monday we got to swim in the ocean, Tuesday we got to bond. I wouldn't change any of those days. We don't always get what we want but we do get what we need. If the shuttle had launched Daytona wouldn't have happened.

Love ya guy!

Shuttle Launch.....It Eventually Happened

The Shuttle Endeavour was launched on May 16th at 8:56 a.m. I looked into making a flight to see it but finally let it go. The trip wasn't really about seeing the shuttle as it was about spending time with my family and bonding with my son. We did make 3 different plans to see it, so you can't say we didn't try.

Our ticket were originally for April 19th. Tanis and I were going to go.

Moved to April 29th. We all tried to see it.

Moved to May 1st. Tanis and I extended our trip to see it.

So I recorded it and we watched as a family. Love ya guy!

Tuesday 2nd

This was a long day of driving. It wasn't a lot of fun but we talked some. I told him I had had fun and wished I could have played with him on the beach. I asked if there was anything about me he would like to change and he quickly said no, and that he appreciated my hard work. I asked if he would like me to lose weight and he said yes. I told him I had an appointment the next day to see a weight loss counselor. The day wasn't smooth, the gas and food stops clashed. We ran into rain and it continued to get colder as we went North When we stopped for gas in Ohio I looked like a bad parent allowing my son to wear shorts. There is a potty joke that happened here too, but I won't go into that. We finally made it home. We unpacked and he got ready for bed. Turns out shirts don't work well as sun block as both of us had pretty nasty sunburns from the day before. He got to show Kellie the souvenirs he bought the day before and we all got to look at the ones we had bought throughout the trip. Love ya guy.

Monday 1st

Tanis and I got up early to start home. We went to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast. Attached to it was a tourist trap souvenir store. I gave him $20 and he had a ball picking out stuff. We then hit the road. About an hour on the road I saw a sign for Daytona Beach and decided I wanted him to see the ocean. We traveled and I followed signs and before I knew it I was paying a guy $5 to drive out on the beach. We walked out to the ocean and I wasn't sure if he would want to swim or not, he did. So we found a place where I could change. We both had gotten some sun the day before so I thought we would wear our shirts to protect us and I figure people really don't want to see me without a shirt. We went swimming for a bit and played on the beach, then he saw a guy building a sandcastle with his 2 sons so he went over to see if he could play too. He played with them for a bit. I read my Kindle. We went swimming again, this time we went further out. He got scared when a wave knocked me over but he felt safe out there with me. He played some more and then we went swimming one more time. It was getting to be about 5 p.m. and I thought we should get a move on. He wanted to stay so I thought about getting a hotel in Daytona. While trying to arrange it he went to rinse sand off and got lost. I was scared but found him. We went to rent a hotel room, I took a shower and then we went to find dinner. We really couldn't find anywhere so we figured we would order pizza at the hotel but the hotel just didn't feel right. I didn't feel safe so we checked out and got back on the road. We drove to South Carolina leaving us 12 hours of driving on Tuesday. We checked into a Best Western and were both out pretty quick. Love ya guy!

Sunday 31st

We started the day with catching up, Tanis did homework and I did work. Tanis and Kellie finished first so they went to the pool, I joined them a little later. Before joining them I found out that the launch had been pushed further back and would not happen on Monday. I told them the news. We swam for a couple of hours and then headed back to the room. We took Kellie to the airport and dropped her off. Tanis wanted to go to mini-golf so we did. We went to Blackbeards, which was of course pirate themed. Tanis chose the hard one, I got par, he didn't. It was a lot of fun, at the end they gave him a goody bag with a pirate hat, eyepatch, and flag. We then went back to Universal to buy a hat I wanted to get. At this point things had caught up to me and I had replaced the launch with this hunt for a hat. Well I didn't get the hat I wanted and the hat I did get was too small. We did buy some other souvenirs, but he didn't want to eat at Bubba Gumps, so we went back and ordered pizza. We tried to swim but we both had a bit of a sun burn so the only thing that felt good was the hot tub. We went back to the room and slept. Love ya guy.

Saturday 30th

Okay, on Friday I had a little bit of an idea to send Kellie home on Sunday and Tanis and I could stay and see the launch Monday morning and then head back. Mom had looked into some flights and sent me info on them. I booted up my computer and did some surfing. I decided in for a penny in for a pound and decided to buy her a ticket. They had went swimming for a bit to give me time to think. I then went to the front desk and extended our stay a few more days. Shortly after I got back they got back. Tanis was happy with the decision and we had another day as a family to do something. We needed to do some laundry if we were going to stay a couple of extra days, so we loaded in the car to go find a store. Kellie hit the shopping tab in the GPS and an option called Disney Marketplace came up. So you know where we ended up. We started the day at a restaurant called T-Rex. It was of course a dinosaur themed restaurant. All kinds of animatronic dinosaurs decorated it, the ceiling would go through a color change as the volcano erupted. Tanis loved every minute of it. The atmosphere was awesome, the food was okay. Our next stop was the Lego store, every current Lego set was in this store. All kind of place to build things, including racers, and computers to help you design a Lego creation. You could buy bricks by the cupful. Tanis made 3 minifigures, and Kellie got a Dobby key chain. I didn't get anything, but was very tempted by the DeathStar. We went to the Disney Store and bought some souvenirs, lets face it we went to a lot of stores and bought several things. The highlights being the art store (Kellie loved it) and Goofy's candy shop (we all loved that). We went back to T-Rex so Tanis could do a Build-a-Dinosaur. We ate dinner at the hotel restaurant. We went swimming again. Then bed. Love ya guy.

Friday 29th

We got up and loaded the car. We started on our way to Nasa. We were making good time until we were 7 miles away and then traffic slowed way down. It took about 15 minutes to go 5 miles, and then we found out that not everybody had the parking pass they needed. We got past that check point and found a parking space. There were only a couple of rows after our car, so we had a long hike. I put you in a spot so you could see the launch, we grabbed our chairs and some water and headed toward the center. Our tickets were for the Kennedy Space Center Visitor Center. We had to go through security, metal detectors, and then get our chairs searched. After all of this we needed to use the bathroom. During our bathroom break Tanis and Kellie heard the launch had been scrubbed. At this same time I dropped my I Pod in the toilet (freshly flushed), it turned on at first but a little later wouldn't turn on. We verified that it had been cancelled and they would give us more information later. I offered to take the chairs back to the car so I could have some time alone. When I got back to the car I told you that the launch had been cancelled, and I thought about hiding you somewhere where you could watch all of the launches. When I got back Tanis was playing in the play area and Kellie was reading. We grabbed lunch and then took in the Visitor Center. A lot of people had left so we had the place to ourselves (mostly). They rode the launch simulator, and we toured a shuttle. We ended up going to a special Lego thing where we had an hour to build something space related. Once built they put them in the middle of the room so everyone could see. I built a space ship, Tanis built a robot factory, and Kellie built a house for the Astronauts. We met a guy who actually designs the Lego sets (this wouldn't be our only Lego adventure) but Tanis wasn't that impressed. We bought some souvenirs, and made some squished pennies. Before we left they had announced the problem was with a hydraulic heater and it would have at least a 72 hour delay. We left, but decided not to go straight back. We found a marshy type tidal pool and walked around a bit. It wasn't quite what we wanted to show Tanis as the ocean, but it was the closest we had come (so far). We ended up in Titusville and were very hungry, we found a restaurant call El Leocinto (the lion). We drove past it but Kellie and I both thought it sounded good and it was. The fajitas were awesome but the Churros were filled with a vanilla cream at least the one Kellie let me have was. We went back to the hotel and swam for a little while then off to bed. Love ya guy.

Thursday 28th

Up around 8, the plan was to go to Universal. We all got dressed and ready. We hit Golden Corral for a big breakfast and then went to Universal Studios. It turns out they have 2 parks but we wanted the Islands of Adventure so Kellie and Tanis could go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Of course Harry Potter was all the way in the back. We started walking back towards it but did some looking around a Seuss world. But our destination was set, and eventually we saw the Hogsmeade sign and the train. A lot of shopping and looking ensued. The first ride Tanis was not tall enough for, that was the Dragon Challenge. We then went to Ollivanders and waited for the wand experience, this was really lame. 36 people get to go in, one person gets to interact and it is basically the scene from the movie. We did buy wands and what not. We had those sent to the front of the park so we didn't have to carry them all day. We then went to the Forbidden Journey which takes you through Hogwarts. I was too big to ride but toured Hogwarts with them. Once they got off that they rode the flight of the hippogriff. We then had lunch at the three broomsticks. It was good, they both had a frozen butter beer that was pretty tasty. I had purchased Pumpkin juice that was OK but not for the price. We ended up in Jurassic park next. Tanis got to see a Raptor hatch, he did think it was real and may still think that. They rode a smaller kid ride that was a Pteradon hanging roller coaster. We then went to toon town and they road a log flume and we went back to Jurassic Park and they rode the water ride there. Our next stop was hero world where they rode the spiderman ride, and the Tanis and I rode Professor X's storm machine (we defeated Magneto) They rode two more things in Seuss land and we toured the Hogwarts castle again. A few more souvenirs, and then we picked up our purchases and headed out of the park. The best money spent that day was the extra $5 for preferred parking. We went back to the hotel and Tanis opened his chocolate frog took a couple bites and then fell asleep before our pizza was delivered. To bed. Love ya guy.

Wednesday 27th

DRIVING DAY! I got up at 4:15, Kellie and Tanis got up a bit later. Our goal was to leave by 5, but it was more 5:15. We made our first stop in Byesville Ohio. We had breakfast at McDonalds, by that we got out used the bathroom ordered and got back in the car to drive and eat. Our next stop was for gas in Mossy West Virginia. Bathroom and gas, I bought Kellie a little bottle of Coke for her and Tanis. Next stop was in Virginia or North Carolina I am not sure which. It was a fast food joint that had a very interesting menu, a corn dog was considered a side dish. We got food, shakes, and a toilet break. Next stop was for Gas in South Carolina. Bathroom and gas. We were making pretty good time, we made it to Florida by around 7 p.m. We had decided we would stop and eat at a sit down restaurant. We ate a place called Boston's it was good but took longer than we wanted it to. This was in Jacksonville. We ended up stopping for gas one more time. By this point Tanis had fallen asleep. We got to Orlando and our hotel around midnight. Carried in a minimum of clothes took a shower and went to bed. 18 hours in a car is a long time. Love ya guy.

Tuesday April 26th

Everyone dreads that day before their vacation. Tanis was squirmy at school, Kellie was too. Tanis had Scouts and play practice afterward. He was promoted from Tiger Scouts to Cub Scouts that night. Me I took a few ups and prayed not to get a late customer. On my way home I called mom to talk about the trip and pass the time. My car had been making funny noises when it decelerates, but I thought it was the tires as I had missed a rotation and they couldn't be rotated because they had been driven too far, so during the conversation it made a more horrible noise and I thought something was wrong. I'll have it looked at after the trip I thought since we were driving Kellie's Jeep anyway. Well about a mile from home it made an even worse noise and then didn't continue forward I had busted a universal joint and had half my drive train hanging down. Bad omen or whatever I called Kellie and she called a tow truck. We got behind in packing and got to bed late, but it didn't change the plans to leave at 5 a.m. Wednesday....Love ya guy.

Houston Let's Talk About Last Week

Well, on April 5th my coworker Ray told me the shuttle launch had been postponed and would not be going up on 19th like scheduled. Instead it would launch on the 29th, the week after his spring break. At first I was really bummed. Mom said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I should take Tanis out of school to see it. Kellie agreed, so during his spring break he and I played video games for four days. The postponement meant Kellie could go with us. But because Kellie and Tanis were going we had to plan a day to go to Harry Potter at the Universal theme park. So the new plan was to drive all day Wednesday 27th, do Universal on Thursday, and see the shuttle on Friday. I am going to do a few posts detailing each day as I remember them. Before we went we had to book a hotel, we found a time share called Westgate Lakes Spa and Resort on hotel.com. It looked nice and wasn't too expensive so we booked it. Finding a hotel was causing a lot of anxiety for Kellie and me. So it was all booked, hotel, launch tickets, and what to do each day. Now we had to wait. Tuesday the 26th showed up.....Love ya guy.

Houston We Have A Plan

Friday night we ordered tickets to view the Space Shuttle launch. Tanis and I will head out Sunday before and be ready to see it. I haven't booked our hotel yet. We are excited about making the trip. You will be going with us, but I don't know if I will be able to take you inside, but I will have you in the car. I plan on turning a wheat penny into a squished penny souvenir. We will have one full day and two half days to find other things to do I hope to show him a tidal pool like you did for me. Love ya guy.

Your Dream My Possible Reality

Tanis and I are considering going to Florida to see a shuttle launch. There are only 2 more planned and this one is during his spring break. Everyday I get a little closer to saying okay. There is a lot of planning to it, but sometimes you have to say "screw it" and go after what you want. I have heard from several people that it is unforgettable. We will have to stay in Orlando, and I am trying to figure out tickets to the launch. I will take you if we go. Love ya guy.