Can't post more than a title tonight

Sunday "surprise"

Kellie tried really hard to plan a surprise birthday weekend. She tipped her hand about Friday here and there but Sunday was a surprise all the way until Friday afternoon. I found out we would go to a paintball course. It sounded like fun but wasn't something I think I would have planned myself. I think a little bit of it was because she really wanted to do it. I was worried about her or the other girls getting hurt but they kicked our asses the first three games. We then joined in with a bigger group and had fun but had other targets than each other. We had a lot of fun today, and I think we would all do it again. Most of us have at least one bruise we are nursing. As the day went by more serious players joined in with their full automatic guns and large paintball caches. These dudes take a game a little too seriously. I got shot on my way out of the game while talking to a ref. This is one of the bruises I have the other one was inflected by my wife after I had been put out and is in a delicate place. Love ya guy!

Friday Suprise

The surprise on Friday was dinner out followed by seeing Ralphie May perform. Mom came down and kellie, James and I went out to dinner and the show. Dinner was great, we ate at Pickwick and Frolic. I had a shrimp and chicken chipotle pasta that was great, mom had a strip steak that she was still raving about. Ralphie was performing in the comedy club in the basement of Pickwick and Frolic called Hilarities. The show was supposed to start at 10:15 but we didn't get seated until 10:40. Ralphie says a good job pays about 20$ an hour after taxes and everything you are lucky to have 13$. Most comedians have a contract to perform for an hour with what we pay for tickets it would take most of us 2 hours to pay for a ticket. He doesn't fel that is fair. If we have to work 2 hours then shouldn't he perform for at least 2 hours and that is what he did. We didn't get out until 130 ish. It was a great nurturing night. Love ya guy!

Birthday post

Today I turn 40. I am doing this post now because do not know what crazy antics my wife has planned. I may not be able to post at night like I have most of this month. I am looking forward to doing something with some people. I will tell more when I can. Love ya guy!

Project update

I missed my goal time. I had the joists and deck done by 130. The problem is I was short 2 boards for the deck and I ran out of screws. The day was getting pretty hot by then anyway and I had accomplished a lot but needed to take a break. Went to get the oil changed in Kellie's Jeep and pick up more supplies. I have officially decided to scrap the A frame idea and will start framing my own design in the morning. I hope to have it done by next Sunday (the week before the party). At least one day off in the mix and all the mornings should give me plenty of time. I think I just need to come up with a final design and go for it. I am thinking a little barn or a schoolhouse. Love ya guy!

A mind is a dangerous thing

Tomorrow I will continue with the tree fort project. My blueprints call for an A frame design. My biggest concern is that the design takes away a lot of head room, and room all together as the sloped ceiling serves as a wall too. It also means a lot of angle cuts (not my strongest suit). As I took my shower and thought about it once the support joists are in and the floor is down it is just a matter of framing and then attaching the plywood for the walls. What if I changed the design? I have plenty of wood to frame any design I want and the worst that could happen is I need another board or two of plywood to cover more of the side. I am thinking about framing it to look like an old barn. That solves height restrictions. That makes the door an obvious design that can slide so it doesn't take up space. The windows could be simple square with cross design in them that could have a hinged panel on a rope to open and close them. One on each wall with possibly a sky light in the roof. Maybe even a weather vein. Okay maybe that is going too far but a hay loft that swings down to sleep on, one on each side. Four kids could sleep in that. I think that may be beyond my abilities but I think a barn design is the way to go. Oh well I have all night to think and dream about what I want to do. I hope to have the joists and floor done by noon. Love ya guy!

Divine intervention?

I have had two times in my life that I know God was involved. I am not saying he has only been involved twice, I am saying that I have two times where I know he touched my life in a significant way. The first was a matter of taking me to the lowest point I had experienced at the time. In the fall of 1991 I thought I had it all, a cool car, a great job and a girlfriend. My girlfriend moved off to college where it took her about a week maybe a week and a half to start cheating on me. I knew fidelity wasn't a strong suit of hers but I just knew she would change for me. Well she didn't. A couple weeks later I belw the engine in my Camaro, she gave me a he'll of a final ride but it was her final ride with that engine anyway. As a side note never loan your car to your sister because even though you tell her to check the oil when she gets gas she won't. All of this made me more than a little sad and that sadness affected my job and then I didn't have a job anymore. So the winter of 1992 I am without a real job, no woman, driving a Chevy Cavalier Cadet station wagon....that is when I see a sign that Cedar Point is hiring. Foolishly I walk into that interview and land a job for the summer. My first day on the job I meet a beautiful girl swishing her ponytail back and forth as she walked with a perky little bounce. From the moment I first met her I knew there was something different about that girl and I was right. Six years later I made her my wife. The second time was when I first met my boss Joey. He was working on one of our first locations. I met him out in Mentor. We talked about our past experiences and the brightness of the future. I felt a hand pushing me in that direction and knew I was supposed to be there. Joey was very religious when I first met him and I have seen how God works in his life and our company. He presents us with opportunities and takes negativity away. Joey is one of many friends I have met over the years who have God in their lives. I have always wanted that in mylifeand eventually found it. A relationship with God is like any other relationship, it is full of reward but isn't always easy. It is easy to lose your way but God will always be on the right path waiting for you. Love ya guy!

Summer project 2012 update

Post hole digger rented on Saturday used Sunday returned Monday because itdidnt work right. Replacement digger given Monday used Monday. 4 deepish holes have been dug. Four wooden posts centered and leveled. Deck to tree fort levelish. I wouldn't recommend playing pool on it but hey it is mostly level. So 5 hours of post hole digging got me: one broken post hole digger, two frustrated guys who couldn't get post hole digger to start back up, three open ripped skin wounds on my hands, four holes not quite as deep as I wanted, five hours I can never have back. When this is done and my son smiles it will be worth it but right now my hands say no. Here is a little tip totheguyswho like to share tips don't recommend adding water to soften the ground when somebodies yard is mostly clay. The upside I don't think the cemented stuck in clay posts are going anywhere. Next step is putting in the floor and support joists. Love ya guy!

Top lists

I don't know how people can do lists of their favorite anything....music,food,movies,restaurants. I get asked this type of question and I really don't know how to answer it as they change fom time to time. Favorite movie lists are supposed to be populated by movies you watch over and over or that you will stop and watch when channel surfing. I don't have time to watch movies over and over and channel surfing is more apt to be nostalgic than favorite. Music is even harder because who knows what will strike as entertaining tomorrow. During an interview I used to ask someone to tell me the last five CDs they bought, (I'm pretty sure I would get a blank stare if I asked that question now)now I ask what are the last 5 downloads you purchased.... Here are my last 5 The Essential Weird "Al", Where My Heart Will Take Me (theme song from Star Trek Enterprise),Big House by Audio Adrenaline, The Goonies R Ood Enough by Cyndi Lauper and The Star Spangled Banner sung by Madison Rising. What does that tell you other than I saw Goonies on T.V. Recently. I have books that I love but I can't read them a second time. The only books I have read a second time are Jurassic Park and The Neverending Story. The point is someone's favorite books should be one they read again and again. I have shelves of movies that I enjoyed and bought so I could watch the over and over yet most have only been watched once. I don't know what this rant makes me, am I indecisive? I think the problem is I don't like absolutes. Once you say these are your favorite you are not open to anything new. I am always open to trying something I have never tried before. But know this, if it sucks I will tell you. Love Ya Guy!

July 21....12

As if I didn't seal my nerdom by admitting I told a poll taker we speak Klingon ( for the record nobody in our household speaks Klingon ) I have enjoyed every 21 st day of every month so far this year. That's right I have listened to Rush's 2112 every 21 st day of every month. It is an awesome album and deserves to be listened to but listening to it on 21 12 makes it that much better. My sister didn't gve me a lot of positive influence but she did introduce me to Rush and that makes up for a lot. Although it is her fault that as a straight teenage boy I knew far too much about Duran Duran, enough to even beat her in their board game. I guess these last 2 days are proof that I will never be able to say I am not a nerd. I would be surprised how many people even know that Duran Duran had a board game. Anyway this post is about Rush. I read a book a couple of months ago titled Ready Player One and Rush's 2112 played an important part in it. (I recommend that book to any guy and some girls who grew upon the 80s(I understand it is being made into a movie to be released in 2015)). Love ya guy!

Klingon?????

So I took a poll the other day. At least I started a poll the other day. We were about 90% done when a customer came in and the guy asked if he could call me back. I said yes. Friday he called me back and we finished the poll. When he asked what language was primarily spoken in my household I told him Klingon. He laughed and told me that he didn't have a box for that. I told him that he should check English instead. When we got to the end of the poll he told me I may get calls in the future to participate in other polls would I be okay with that. I told him I felt it was important That Klingon speaking households get fair representation so I was willing to participate in future polls. He laughed and told me that he would forward that to the weekend supervisor as it would probably cheer him up on a Friday night. So if you ever get offered Klingon as an option in a survey you know who to blame..... yourself as I got my sense of humor from you. Love ya guy!

What makes you like what you like?

Tonight I went to Babes (a bar) to see my boss Joey play (he is in a band). He was influenced by the Beatles. He loves to play their songs. I am not a very big fan of the Beatles. Why not? Joey and I talked earlier aboutGuns and Roses, we both admitted to not being fans when they first came out. I wasn't a fan because they were so popular. I tried to be against the grain ( I know that is shocking to you). But more than that I didn't like some of the artwork they used it promoted rape. Their songs promoted drugs and violence things I was and still am against (when we meet again you have so explaining about your sock drawer). I think that lissome of my problems with the Beatles. Their music is good some of it great even. But the content of some of their songs is very counter to my beliefs. And EVERYBODY loves the Beatles (strike two). How did i become a fan of one and not the other, what changed? First of all Axl's voice stopped grating on me. I listened to the songs and they told me that drugs were a culture they were in not necessarily one they wanted to be a part of. A lot of the angst in their songs started to resonate with me. In some ways they became a voice for me and how I felt, some anger, some hurt, and staying truthful to myself. I know plenty of people would argue that GnR sucks and I am romanticizing a lost cause but screw them. Ultimately I am not a Beatles fan because of a generational reason. Their messages just don't resonate with me they came of age in a different time and I haven't found a reason to look deeper no song has clicked forcing me to give them a deeper look. Just as I haven't give Maria Mauldar a listen either. Love ya guy (seriously though we will have a talk about the sock drawer).

Another movie quote?

Yes, this post is based on a movie quote. "no fate but what we make ourselves." of course that is from Terminator 2. The reason I was thinking about this is because I have found a kind of peace in the world. I have learned to relax and realize there are some things I can't change. If I make myself sick about those kind of things I will have a short miserable life. I used to think happy people were simple people. I felt didn't really have a grasp on reality. The truth is they probably understood it better than any of us. People have a choice to make everyday. They can choose to have a good day or a bad day. Some people can have the most horrible things happen to them and yet they find positive and choose to be happy. When you died i thought I would never be happy again. I felt worse than bad I felt nothing at all. Numbness is an emotion and I experienced it for a long time. I choose to see the positive, I choose to be happy. I know i will see you again. I have to enjoy the gift God has given me. I have to live for myself and my family. I have no fate but what I make myself. Love ya guy!

Mutants?????

There are a lot of things I got from you, both genetic and physical. I am long in the trunk and short in the leg. How many 6 foot tall guys do you know with a 26 inch inseam? My feet have high arches that cause me to walk on the balls instead of walking normally. I have your sense of humor, and as established a few days ago I have a similar taste in movies. I learned a lot about being a man from you, my work ethic, you helped shape my political views and most of all taught me loyalty. But, mom turned me into the next evolution of mankind. She passed the genes onto me so I would not be born with useless wisdom teeth. I have passed these on to my son. We are the future of man, today! Well that is what I read online anyway, and hey if it is on the Internet than it has to be true. But what cost does such great power have? What indeed? We suffer from the pinky disease. Our pinkies are not straight from the knuckle to the tip of the finger. Pretty? Not really. Painful? Definitely not. A minor irritation in comparison to the pain of having impacted wisdom teeth pulled. Love ya guy!

What the hell

Life is full of what the hell moments. Sometimes we make a decision by the seat of our pants and say what the hell, I'll try the squid or how bad can Jack Daniels mess me up or why not try a red white and blue with my uncle. Sometimes those what the hell moments turn into what the hell was I thinking. But sometimes those moments give us a unique experience and enrich our lives. We go outside of our comfort zones and experience something we would never have dared to do before. I think Otis time to say what the hell and try some unexplored paths. Maybe I will meet some new friends along the way. Jim Carey made a movie called Yes Man where he signs a contract that he will say yes to everything and along the way he experiences many unique things. In the end he finds out he should do things in moderation and be open to new experiences but should be reasonable with his decisions. I think I shall attempt to have at least one what the hell moment each week. What's the worst that can happen? Love ya guy!

Fishing memory

I had a customer today that fished a lot when he was a kid. It reminded me of my gray cased Zebco rod and reel combo. Mike Homer and I would go down to Park lake and fish. We never caught much but it was a lot of fun. We would visit the neighbor I worked for and dig in his compost pile for worms. Then we would spend the day fishing. I don't know that we went all that often but I remember doing it a few times. I remember that rod and reel and know I used it quite often. Grandpa K took some hooks one day and caught some croppies down at his fishing hole so he taught me the trick and I caught some too. I also used that pole on Houghton lake. The last time I saw it was on your back porch. I think all that is left is the case. Love ya guy!

Fair....doing the right thing

Ever noticed how some people strive to do the right thing and others don't. It sucks when those that don't get rewarded for not doing what is right. I like to believe that karma will give them a big shit sandwich down the road, but sometimes it doesn't. That makes me question whether or not they did the right thing. If you can go through life taking advantage of people and only living for yourself and you don't have repercussions than why would any of us have morals or integrity? It just doesn't make sense. I know the arguement is that doing the right thing is it's own reward. Let me take that to the bank and try to deposit it. I bet it doesn't raise my account balance one red cent. So I guess I have to accept that we will all face our creator and that is when something more than karma will kick in. We will be judged on our actions as well as our motivations. Doing the right thing because it is the right thing really is it's own reward. Love ya guy!

Friday the 13th

You know that every Friday the 13th is special to mom. When grandma K passed you made those days special for mom. When you passed all of us have tried to make it special for her. Tammy has sent flowers, I have called, I have even visited but I know those gestures fall flat compared to her talking to her mom or being able to see you. People who have never lost someone that close don't understand the hole that is left. They think it is not much different than losing a favored aunt or a grandparent. I can attest that losing a parent is much more traumatic than losing a grandparent. Parents fill the holes left by grandparents, but nobody (except maybe a spouse) can fill the hole left by a parent. Mom and I took a few trips down memory lane today. We talked about you and Grandma K. I miss you both and I know she misses you both even more than that. I hope reliving some fun memories brought more joy than sadness to mom. I know it did for me. I am sad because my son will never get ot know either of you. I think you both would have loved him. I know you would have enjoyed watching him drive me nuts, especially when heismaking crazy noises nonstop. Love ya guy!

Summer project 2012

So a couple years ago I built a deck for he pool. This year I get to build a treeless tree fort. The wood was delivered yesterday. Today I built the framing for the floor and marked where to post holes have to be dug. I also separated the wood so it would be easier to build as the pieces will be right where I need them. I guess all of those Lego sets paid off. The biggest challenge will be mount the frame to the top of the posts and getting the heavy ass plywood to the top of the deck. I think I can knock this project out in a couple of weeks. Once the floor is installed it should be fairly easy from there. Although working from the top will be a challenge. Love ya guy!

Benediction

My minister at church end some Sundays with a benediction that means a lot to me. It starts out with"you go nowhere by accident this week. Wherever you go God is leading you..." this is very powerful to me. If you think about it and you are a Believer it means wherever you are there is a purpose for being there. Your interaction with another person has a greater purpose. Wow. Today I found myself put in the path of someone who needed my help and without hesitation I helped. God doesn't make it so obvious every time. I look for the reasons but not as much as I should. I think if we all spent time looking at our days and reflecting on the purpose of it we would be better off. We would also find out we aren't always the rescuer sometimes we are the rescued. Love ya guy!

Love is.....

The joke is what is love spelled backwards? Evil. Get it. I don't either. Love spelled backwards is evol. To me it suggests evolve. I feel that love is always evolving always changing. Sometimes the changes are hard and sometimes they are awesome. Couples evolve from cuddly to passionate to married. Those of us with successful marriages know you need to revisit those stages often. My love for Kellie happened the instant I saw her. I didn't know it was love, I just knew there was something different and special about that girl. We started to talk and flirt and we became best friends along the way. I think our first go at dating failed because neither of us wanted toscrew up our friendship. I loved her then and I love her now. I know i am hard to live with as I face my 40th birthday. It weighs heavy on me as I look back upon the years that have flown by. I have known her for 20 years (half my life). I wouldn't give up any of the time we have spent together. She still is my best friend and I will probably drive her as crazy when I turn 80. My love for you changed as well. It went from the awe a child has to obedience to rebellious teenager. As the joke goes the older I got the smarter you got. The hardest part in our relationship was seeing you in the hospital. My invincible hero laid to waste before my eyes. Your majesty and pride stolen from you. Watching your last gasps brought regret. Regret for love not spoken or shown. Regret for time lost. I guess that is the challenge of this milestone I face. Time lost. Another qoute I think about is when Yoda says "always in motion the future is." I always heard it as "always emotion the future is." That makes more sense to me. As our emotions definitely guide us. When we are in a funk we can affect those around us. When we are on top of the world we can infect those around us. What we make of a day a week a decade a lifetime is up to us. Or as Doc Brown said "it means your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you." Love ya guy!

Blah

Today was one of those bland days. Nothing went particullarly right or wrong. It was slow but not dead. Things to do but none of great importance. I think today is one of those days we look back on as we knock on heavens door and lament it as wasted. But is any day truly wasted? I mean not every day can be awesome and not every day has to suck. Days like today gets to our next adventure and if we don't live them then the adventure would never come. Who knows some interaction I had with some person may have been insignificant to me but may have life altering repercussions to someone else. Maybe I was given some big clue to my future today that will not click into place for some time. Maybe I am full of bullshit and am trying to romanticize a boring ass day. Love ya guy!

Today

Tanis called me at work today because he wanted me to tell Kellie that I wanted to swim. Obviously he wanted to swim but couldn't persuade her to go swimming so he thought I could. I didn't really want to swim but figured I could deal with it when I got home. On my way home I thought a lot about you and my post the other day about doing things with my son. I don't have a memory of ever swimming with you. I am sure you did swim in the pool as we had it for a long time, but I can't remember a time you swam with us. To be fair I don't really remember mom swimming either although I have a few vague impressions of it. I know she swam at the lake and river I don't remember you ever doing it. I take that back I do remember the trip to Florida and being in the ocean looking for sand dollars. Unfortunately that remind me that your mother was in the ocean with us too. So as I write this I am reminded of collecting sand dollars you mom and me in the ocean. You guys felt them and then I would pick them up with my feet as mom held onto my arms. I remember a lightning storm brought our sand dollar hunt to an end. I also remember the horrible smell of bleaching sand dollars and that we had sand dollars for years to come. We did have some fun on our trips and you took me to see a lot of things. I hope to take Tanis and Kellie to seethe grand canyon sometime as neither of them have seen it. Thank you for the memory. Love ya guy!

Horror movies

So one thing you definitely influenced is my taste in movies. I really dont know many people who have seen as many cheesy 80s sic fi fantasy movies as me. I was brought up in a house where Ice Pirates was considered a good flick and any movie with a 0 rating in the Lansing state journal became a must see. But more than sic fi and fantasy was horror movies. I dont think you took us to the original release of Alien (1979). But I am sure you took me to the re-release of it. I think I was 9 tops when I saw it. Shortly after that would have been Alligator. Not to mention movies snuck while you were both at work. The one that sticks out in my mind is John Carpenters The Thing. It was a very scary very good movie. It scared the shit out of Ron and although it was a bright afternoon I had to ride home with him because he was so freaked out. I hope to introduce my son to horror movies as Kellie will not watch them with me at all. If I hadn't been introduced at an early age they would truly crep me out but since you spent my youth scaring the pants of me just find them entertaining. Although the Ring did send the hairs on the back of neck straight out (Kellie vowed to never watch a movie that could creepme out). So I guess I am saying thank you for the introduction and I will keep looking around the corner as it may be the alien or maybe that damn cat. Love ya guy.

Spoiled?

I think every generation thinks the newest generation is spoiled. Some of it has to be by design because very parent wants their children to have at least as good of a childhood as they had or better. With all of what is offered kids can be spoiled easily. But how much has it really changed. It seems to me my son drives me nuts in all of the me ways I drove you nuts. He constantly makes noise and his stories last for days with no real point or sensible conclusion. And I love him for it (most of the time). Pokemon seems to be the ultimate toy. You gotta catch them all and after 15 years ther is no longer 152 but over 400. You can't just have them in digital form, you have to have them in toy form and card form too. I know when I was a kid we had the little pink wrestler guys that we had to collect all of. Then of course there were Transformers, now I know I wasn't spoiled but I do seem to have quite a few of them. Parents will always love their kids and will always spoil them. The most important thing is to sit down and listen and actually care that Pikachu now has three different stages of evolution. I learned from you that just taking a few minutes to play means more than any toy you could buy. I wish we could take time and play a game our at least once more, I wish we had played more or even talked more. I never got to play poker with you and your friends. I never played cribbage with you. I miss you. That is why I take time to play games with my son and wife. Love ya guy.

Snakes why did it have to be snakes?

Okay so maybe that title grabs you a little. No this snit about Indiana Jones it is about growing up differently than my wife. I grew up around fireworks. In my youth I have set off just about everything you can buy. I was even safe with some of it. I have had a firecracker explode in my hand (it stays numb for several hours). I had a smoke bomb turn out to be a cherry bomb. I have witnessed very drunk grown ups trying to launch large rockets out of small beer bottles and almost lose a leg doing it (a touch of an exaggeration but I was like 12 at the time). I have launched bottle rocket through wrapping paper tubes at friends on purpose. I once.....well the statute of limitations isn't up on that one yet. So they brings me back to my wife buying snake fireworks for my son. I guess to an 8 year old they are pretty cool and I even let him light a few. But face it I described it as a turd you set on fire that then grows into a bigger turd. Someday I will have to host a pig roast and find a cache of way expired Mexican rockets to give to some enthusiastic but drunk men and my son can witness the fourth of July as only a young child can. Love ya guy!

Trust

Who do you trust? It seems that this can really be a challenge. It seems most people have ulterior motives. They seem to be in your corner until you need them and then they are absent. I used to think I gave trust easily but I am not so sure that is true. I have always been reserved with my trust. Once broken though I find it next to impossible to give it back. I have made mistakes in my life that cause people close to me to question the truth. I work hard to earn that trust back but maybe I am not deserving after all someone who probably wouldn't give it shouldn't expect it to be given. So where does that leave me? Sometimes I feel very alone I feel that I have no one to trust and that no one trusts me. If I am being genuine then must I assume they are also? Is this tot hard to accept? Love ya guy.

Perception

I find it amazing that 2 people can see or hear the same thing and yet end up with 2 completely different perceptions of what was experienced. If asked both will defend with conviction that they speak the truth. I feel that is what truly keeps people separate from each other. People aren't open to hearing a different view and are positive that any other view is flawed or wrong. So, it is obvious this is an election year, and everybody has an opinion and once again people base their opinions on the letter after a candidates name instead of finding out what the person stands for. I know I am a conservative, or that is the label placed on me most frequently. I do tend to vote Republican although I am open to other candidates. The 2 party system is flawed and this year seems to be the ultimate culmination of it. America is the greatest country in the world and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, but if we don't set aside the letters and try to find leaders that have our best interests at heart we will fail. I pray to find people with like minds to share all of their experiences and help open my mind to new thoughts. I pray that the reciprocal be true also. To paraphrase a kick ass movie if a machine can learn the value of human life than maybe we can too. Love ya guy!

What Do You Believe?

It seems to me it is human nature not to believe in ones self. It seems that it is a way we all sabotage ourselves. We seem to need someone else to believe in us before we can believe in ourselves. It seems it is easier to believe in others than ourselves. I think that is why we as a society seem to hero worship people who do not deserve it. I find myself in a place where I can make 2 choices and once again I seem to be making the wrong one. What am I afraid of? What great things am I holding back from? Why do I seem to want the quick rewArd instead of the long term benefit? Of course I am talking about my diet. I get started then I stop. Start again. Stop again. Cheat at it and get away with it sometimes, sometimes not. I need to believe in myself. I need to visualize victory and realize it is not a short race but a life change. Where am I headed and if I don't believe can I make it there? Love ya guy!

Can I post every day for a month?

I have decided to post something every day during the month of July. I said I would be better at posting and then didn't post anything for 6 months. I guess things have been crazy for some time. A lot has happened but I am not going to get into any of that today. Love ya guy!

You Only Have One?

I get asked that question so many times when I talk to customers or am out. They see Tanis or hear about him and ask "you only have one?" It is an innocent question and I know people don't mean anything by it, but sometimes it cuts to the bone. We both wanted more children and have tried, but the miscarriages have almost destroyed our marriage and has definitely caused depression. People carry all kinds of pain bottled up inside that is never shared this is my pain. Kellie and I wanted more children, we have experienced pain that a lot of the world never has to go through. We know what it is like to go to the O.B. to hear a heart beat and instead get told that something went wrong and that it was just bad luck and that we are young enough we can try again. We have spent most of our 30's trying again and all we have to show for it is our awesome son. I am so thankful we have him but I wish we had a bigger family. I wish we had a daughter to walk down the aisle. Not six silent scars I carry on my heart. Scars that are torn open when someone says "you only have one?" It is an innocent question but it sounds so sarcastic and accusatory to me. Like you could only succeed once....ha ha your not a real man. The other statement that cuts is "you don't understand because you only have one child." Well I want to say to them you don't understand because you haven't been through 6 miscarriages. Your wife hasn't been pregnant for 100 weeks but only has one child. The pain I see in Kellie's eyes kills me, she is my world and I want to protect her and I don't even understand how hard it has been on her how much more painful it must be for her to lose a child. So I proudly and loudly say I only have one and I love him more than any other child in the world and I love my wife for giving him to me and I will be the man they both need me to be. Love ya guy!

Guilty Pleasure

I have to admit that I really enjoyed the movie Real Steel. Tanis and I went and saw it after school one day last fall. We both enjoyed it. He enjoyed it because it was robots fighting. I enjoyed it because it wasn't animated. I know it isn't an Oscar worthy movie nor was it particularly original, but I did enjoy it. It was fun to see a movie about a father and son with my son. Time is flying by, he is 8 already. It is hard to be a parent sometimes and I realize how hard it is to connect sometimes. I try to take time out for him and this movie was a perfect afternoon for us. Love ya guy!

Bittersweet Milestone

Last week I hit a bittersweet milestone, when you passed away I only had one pair of jeans as most of the time I wear dress slacks and dress shirts So I had to buy some jeans. Those jeans haven't fit for 4 years. On Christmas Eve day I was able to put them on and snap them easily. I even needed a belt. I am still a bit heavier than when you passed, but I am heading in the right direction. (even though I was bad new years eve and day) It felt good to be able to wear them but bad to remember I missed you at the Holidays this year more than past years. I am not sure why, but it may have to do with some memories are starting to fade and I want to hold onto them so tightly that it hurts. I was going to do the entire month of December as memories of you but I know I can't come up with 31 of them and that makes me sad. I'm not saying I don't have 31 memories of you, but I can't conjure up 31 just off the top of my head, and some of them are not necessarily happy and a few are too personal to ever share. Just know that you are missed. P.S. The Spartans won their bowl game in triple overtime. Love ya guy.

New Year

Today is the first day of a new year.

I want to take a look back on the past year.

To start with I ended this year about 80 pounds lighter than my heaviest weigh in.

The Spartan football team only lost twice in the regular and also lost the Big Ten Championship game (that cost them a trip to the Rose bowl).

A scary sign that 2012 may be our last year is the fact the Lions made the playoffs.

Tanis, Kellie and I went to Florida and almost got to see a shuttle launch.

I am sure there are a lot of significant things that happened but right now I am blanking on them so rather than looking back I will look ahead. (2012 resolutions)

I resolve to lose more weight in 2012.

I resolve to spend more quality time with my family.

I resolve to write in my blog at least 3 times a week.

I resolve to be more focused on my job.

I resolve to be more focused on my families needs especially my wife.

I resolve to be nicer to Ditzy, Kuky and Scamp as we may not have much longer with the latter 2.

I resolve to be more open about my feelings and ask for help when I need it.

I resolve to say I am sorry when I mess up.

I resolve to ride every roller coaster at Cedar Point by the end of the 2012 season (see resolution 1)

I resolve to do the warrior dash with my wife.

I resolve to do a 5k or bike ride before the end of the summer.

I resolve to grow in my Faith.

I resolve to learn an instrument (not necessarily well, but learn it anyway).

I think that is enough to put on my plate for now. I miss you and wish you were still here. Love ya guy.