Sports update

Spartans defeated the Wolverines this past Saturday. The Wings are off to a decent start. The Lions are looking for their first win of the season. The Pistons won their season opener. Love ya guy.

This Weekend

This weekend is a couple of milestones. On Saturday we are going to inter your ashes. It was my idea to do it, and it was time. Mom has put together thing to put in the vault with you. Howdy doody, Maria Mauldaer CD, Chow Chow ashes. I think it will help bring some closure, and healing. On Sunday we face the year anniversary of your passing. I do not know how I am going to feel. It has been a year, it feels longer and shorter than that. i guess because we already went through the major Holidays it doesn't seem so long. But this summer went by fast. Mom and I were talking about interring you back in May and now it will be November. I have missed you a lot this past year. I have had some fun though. The golf outing in your memorial was a lot of fun. Collecting pennies, trying to register the hand gun. Life can't be summed up quickly or easily. I am still working through a lot of things a year later. I decided on your birthday that I would celebrate your life not your death, but I know Sunday can not pass without some acknowledgement. I will let you know. Love ya guy.

Scary October 2

Scary movies. You introduced me to scary movies when I was young. The first one I remember seeing was alien. I know you guys watched the mud monster on night when we still lived in Lansing. Alien, Alligator, I remember being fairly young when I saw these. Dawn of the Dead I watched with mom and Cheri, the opening scene of that movie still freaks me out. Watching The Hand with Jeff and Cheri mom snuck up on me and scared the crap out of me. Now, my wife wouldn't believe that I was scared by these movies, but I think being scared young makes it not scary now. Ron and I watched John Carpenter's The Thing one afternoon and he was so freaked out I had to ride home with him. I love scary movies, not many get to me anymore, but The Ring did cause the hair on my neck stand up. It is fun to try and scare the crap out of yourself. A lot of new horror movies are just about being violent and gory like Saw. I remember watching horror movies, some with you and some without. But I look back on them with fondness. Love ya guy.

Wheat Pennies

Well my collection gained two. Last Friday I think you were with Tanis and I. We went on a trip with Bill and Debbie. We went to Lehmans hardware and Grandma Shearer potato chips. We also went to a place and bought spices, while I was there I saw that I had gotten a wheat penny. On Sunday Kellie's friend Amanda brought me one. She had to ask if that was what I meant and I told her yes. I think a lot of people do not know what a wheat penny is. I found out they also have steel ones, and I would love to find one of those. It is pretty cool to keep looking out for them. Love ya guy.

Scary October

I have had a desire to watch some horror movies here in October. I thought about a top ten list or maybe this or that, but I thought I would share some scary memories of being a child. The scariest one I have is of the Lansing Jaycee haunted house that was held at the Lansing Mall. I don't know how old I was but there was a scary guy in a gorilla outfit that bent the bars of his cage and came after us. I don't remember much about it just crying afterward and all of the sudden the creature of my fears came walking out into the mall to get me. He reached up and pulled his head off and it was you. I have a lot of good memories of the LAnsing Jaycee haunted house, but that is the scariest one I remember. Love ya guy.

Update

Was pretty good with my diet on Monday. Have worked out both Monday and Tuesday this week. I have been good with my diet today so far. Spartans won on Saturday and are now ranked 20th. They face off against the Buckeyes, both teams are undefeated in the Big Ten. I don't know if the Spartans can win Saturday, but they should put up a good fight. Michigan lost on Saturday to Toledo, the first time they have ever lost to a MAC team, I know you would have laughed about that. Hockey has started and the Wings are 2 and 1, the Lions have yet to win. I am going to install hardwood floors in the dining room, and we already had tile put in the kitchen. Love ya guy!

Getting this out

It has been almost a year now. The anniversary of you going to the hospital happened last week. I have looked back on the year and have realized I haven't dealt with your passing. This post is about dealing with it. I blame myself. I really do. I was there the day the doctor suggested the feeding tube, and I helped talk mom into having it done. I don't know that anything would have changed if I hadn't been there. Maybe she wouldn't have had the feeding tube put in, and then you wouldn't have pulled it out. I have used you as an excuse for a year. i have felt cold and numb inside and rather than deal with it I found other things to fill the void. I have gained all of the weight I had lost back. I am not using you as an excuse but I kept telling myself one more this one more that. I will start after the weekend, I will start tomorrow, just eat the pizza tonight and I will be ready. Food is not the answer, I know that. I miss you, and I wish you were still here. The last thing you would want is for me to gain weight and I know that. I will start Thursday and stick to it. I will use this sight to talk to you, but also to tell about whether I was good on my diet, and whether I worked out. I have to get the guilt and sadness out of me. I don't know how to be happy when I am so sad. At least in the next few weeks we will run out of "firsts". You know the first Christmas without you and so on. I don't know if you had lived if we would have been better friends, or I would have wasted more time. Had you walked out of that hospital would you have changed? These are the questions I would ask. Life flies by at an awesome pace and nobody knows how long their trip will last. Did you have any regrets? If you could do it all over again what would you change? These deep questions I turn on myself when I think about you. I thought I would be so different than you, I wouldn't let work rule my life, I would be there for everything. The truth is, I realize that you weren't a bad parent and what you did was for your family, but I have become you. I only wish that I was as involved in the community as much as you. I wish that I could slow things down and capture some of that time. It was so much fun taking Tanis fishing, just letting the time drift by. I am sad, I do miss you, I am guilty and i am depressed. I don't know if this even makes sense anymore. I need to snap out of this funk and take care of me and my family. That is what I am going to do. Love ya guy.