November 2nd.... 4 years later

Tanis and I came to visit mom. Cheri and Alex went to lunch with us. We then went to get flowers, and as it turns out tiny pumpkins for you. Tanis and I decorated 2 little pumpkins with a marker and left them. Mom bought a potted hardy mum plant we left for you. I had to dig some dirt out of your memorial vase to allow for it to sit like it should. It was a little creepy digging in the dirt at a cemetery, and the dirt was hard to wash off. Tears were shed, and Tanis tried hard to cheer mom up, but he didn't really know how. It hasn't gotten any easier. This year more than past years it has weighed heavy on my mind and heart. I am still mad. It seems so senseless. I am mad I haven't learned from you and gotten myself healthy. I am mad that my sister is following you step for step. I am mad that you aren't here anymore. I am mad I have to remember November 2nd and the significance of it. Enough time has not passed, it still feels like a fresh wound. Love ya guy.

Spartan, Tigers and Wings

Tigers lost in the ALCS. Wings came out strong and have faltered recently, but it way early in the season. Spartans have lost 2 games, but are in first place in their division and could be in the inaugural Big Ten championship game. Love ya guy.

Where have I been?

That is a good question. I don't really know how to answer it. I have decided to sabotage my weight loss, and have been going the wrong direction the last few months. I plan on getting on the right path Wednesday. I got lost. I am still lost. I have so many emotions that I don't know how to deal with. The recurring one is anger. I feel like I have been keeping my anger in check for so long it is consuming me. I want to yell, but I choose to be even keeled instead. I am angry about so much. I am angry most of all at myself. I lost close to 90 pounds and gained about half of it back. Why?Because my birthday depressed me? Because I miss you? Pick an excuse because that is all it really is, an excuse. Always looking for fault instead of moving forward. I want to scream sometimes. I am tired of trying to be what I am supposed to be or what people want me to be. I am tired of keeping my opinions inside so as not to offend anybody. My sales training is to blame for that, but I have let it too far into my life. I am a lion and you will hear me roar. Love ya guy.