You Can't Go Back

Last night I took Tanis to Pinball Petes. It is not what it was. i wanted to show Tanis a real arcade, but when we got there it had really changed. They had games that gave out tickets. I felt that it was just wrong. Pinball Petes was always a dark hole in the wall with real games, not a family destination. I guess things continue to change. Love ya guy.

Thinking of you at Christmas

Okay, so I haven't bought a Chow-Chow calendar in 2 years. You gave me 2 very annoying traits. The first is that I can guess my presents fairly easily, the second is that I am tough to buy for. It became funny to me to keep buying you the calendar and the pistachios. What I truly miss is the fun gift you would pick out for us by yourself. It was always cool and most times useful. The one year you bought the tire iron, I think it is called a diamond because of the four different ends. It seemed weird but I have used it, and still have it. I wanted to buy something for Tanis strictly from me, but the thing i found is not in stock or was dis-continued. I still plan on trying to find something. Being a dad at Christmas makes me want to say thank you, I realize now how much time parents put into a Santa present. I got this years done early, so no late night Christmas Eve. Love ya guy.

Two of Two Posts (heavy)

The anniversary affected me in a way I didn't expect. I didn't expect to ignore and bottle my feelings. It felt like a scab getting peeled off, all the pain came rushing back. I guess a scab is a good analogy because sometimes the blood helps clean the wound and speed the healing. I have been faced with some pretty heavy questions. Who should we be angry at? When tragedy happens people get angry and they don't know who to be mad at. I found that it is okay to be mad at God because he has the patience and love we need. But I find the angry person is usually mad at themselves. They are mad at missed opportunities and regret. But eventually you have to let the anger go. When you let the raw anger go I think you find a much better question. What are you angry about? It really isn't a who it is a what. People say if I had one more day with them one more minute one more whatever. I don't really believe this anymore. If you had been able to speak what would we have talked about, there is no way to get all the answers in such a short time. I told you I love you, and I know you heard that. We just can't have "another". We will always want just a little bit more. I think that is the source of anger and hurt knowing that we should have been paying attention for a long time and living every minute. Have you ever tried to make sure you always tell a loved one you love them, sometimes life happens and you forget that one time and then that is the last time you ever talk to them. The people who have to keep living carry it like a burden but the people who move on know the love. I believe they tell them that from beyond. I believe you have told me from beyond. The day we interred your ashes you came to visit and said your goodbye, I have never seen a light so bright. I honestly don't have anger, I have come to terms with you passing out of my life to soon. I don't have major regret, just questions. I am not angry at you or God. That is the other thing that has started to change in me, I am finding my faith. It has started as a small ember and I have tried to nurture the flame and let it grow. i have joined a church and was Baptised again. I am finding peace in my faith. Recently I have read two books that have helped me "Christmas Sweater" by Glenn Beck and "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom, both have a great message. One taught me that I can be forgiven if I can learn to forgive myself. The other taught me that our stories are interwoven but we can't always see how. I will try to better at posting. I still have a lot to talk to you about, I still have more healing to go through. I want you to know that I am healing and ready to focus on me for awhile. I will focus on getting healthy, I will focus on my family, and I will make sure my friends and family know I love them even if I forget to say it. Love ya guy.

One of Two Posts (light)

Well, I never said I was good at this blog thing. At first I just didn't know what to say and then as time drifted on I got a kick out of not putting anything new up. A week became a couple became a month became much more. On the anniversary of your death Kellie and I went through your coin collection. We sorted and sorted some more. We found 48 or 50 steel wheat pennies. It was a lot of fun and seemed fitting. Tanis had his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. That was a lot of fun and has caused many an impromptu game of "Dunk the Alien." (Just go with it.) He got some cool presents for his birthday, but he seemed to like his R2D2 Mr. Potato head. It was my favorite because it doesn't make any noise. He also got a kids version of Yahtzee, the fun thing about that is it is quick. He has really started to like playing board games and feels he is old enough to play any of them. I do ask him sometimes if he remembers you and he always says yes. Thanksgiving was nice. I cooked turkey 3 different ways. One in the oven, one on the grill, and one in the BBQ. All turned out nice. We had so many people we had to set up a second table. Mom and Alex came. The next day we did some shopping, but we didn't go to any of the door busters. The Spartans are playing a New Years Day Bowl Game: Capital One Bowl. The Basketball team is doing OK, their usual rocky start. The Red Wings are doing OK, not setting the world on fire. The Pistons are playing well, but the Cavaliers and Celtics have been on fire. The Lions are having a perfect season, 2 more games to lose to have a perfect season. I used one of your knives last night to help open boxes as I worked on Tanis's Christmas present. Love ya guy.

Sports update

Spartans defeated the Wolverines this past Saturday. The Wings are off to a decent start. The Lions are looking for their first win of the season. The Pistons won their season opener. Love ya guy.

This Weekend

This weekend is a couple of milestones. On Saturday we are going to inter your ashes. It was my idea to do it, and it was time. Mom has put together thing to put in the vault with you. Howdy doody, Maria Mauldaer CD, Chow Chow ashes. I think it will help bring some closure, and healing. On Sunday we face the year anniversary of your passing. I do not know how I am going to feel. It has been a year, it feels longer and shorter than that. i guess because we already went through the major Holidays it doesn't seem so long. But this summer went by fast. Mom and I were talking about interring you back in May and now it will be November. I have missed you a lot this past year. I have had some fun though. The golf outing in your memorial was a lot of fun. Collecting pennies, trying to register the hand gun. Life can't be summed up quickly or easily. I am still working through a lot of things a year later. I decided on your birthday that I would celebrate your life not your death, but I know Sunday can not pass without some acknowledgement. I will let you know. Love ya guy.

Scary October 2

Scary movies. You introduced me to scary movies when I was young. The first one I remember seeing was alien. I know you guys watched the mud monster on night when we still lived in Lansing. Alien, Alligator, I remember being fairly young when I saw these. Dawn of the Dead I watched with mom and Cheri, the opening scene of that movie still freaks me out. Watching The Hand with Jeff and Cheri mom snuck up on me and scared the crap out of me. Now, my wife wouldn't believe that I was scared by these movies, but I think being scared young makes it not scary now. Ron and I watched John Carpenter's The Thing one afternoon and he was so freaked out I had to ride home with him. I love scary movies, not many get to me anymore, but The Ring did cause the hair on my neck stand up. It is fun to try and scare the crap out of yourself. A lot of new horror movies are just about being violent and gory like Saw. I remember watching horror movies, some with you and some without. But I look back on them with fondness. Love ya guy.

Wheat Pennies

Well my collection gained two. Last Friday I think you were with Tanis and I. We went on a trip with Bill and Debbie. We went to Lehmans hardware and Grandma Shearer potato chips. We also went to a place and bought spices, while I was there I saw that I had gotten a wheat penny. On Sunday Kellie's friend Amanda brought me one. She had to ask if that was what I meant and I told her yes. I think a lot of people do not know what a wheat penny is. I found out they also have steel ones, and I would love to find one of those. It is pretty cool to keep looking out for them. Love ya guy.

Scary October

I have had a desire to watch some horror movies here in October. I thought about a top ten list or maybe this or that, but I thought I would share some scary memories of being a child. The scariest one I have is of the Lansing Jaycee haunted house that was held at the Lansing Mall. I don't know how old I was but there was a scary guy in a gorilla outfit that bent the bars of his cage and came after us. I don't remember much about it just crying afterward and all of the sudden the creature of my fears came walking out into the mall to get me. He reached up and pulled his head off and it was you. I have a lot of good memories of the LAnsing Jaycee haunted house, but that is the scariest one I remember. Love ya guy.

Update

Was pretty good with my diet on Monday. Have worked out both Monday and Tuesday this week. I have been good with my diet today so far. Spartans won on Saturday and are now ranked 20th. They face off against the Buckeyes, both teams are undefeated in the Big Ten. I don't know if the Spartans can win Saturday, but they should put up a good fight. Michigan lost on Saturday to Toledo, the first time they have ever lost to a MAC team, I know you would have laughed about that. Hockey has started and the Wings are 2 and 1, the Lions have yet to win. I am going to install hardwood floors in the dining room, and we already had tile put in the kitchen. Love ya guy!

Getting this out

It has been almost a year now. The anniversary of you going to the hospital happened last week. I have looked back on the year and have realized I haven't dealt with your passing. This post is about dealing with it. I blame myself. I really do. I was there the day the doctor suggested the feeding tube, and I helped talk mom into having it done. I don't know that anything would have changed if I hadn't been there. Maybe she wouldn't have had the feeding tube put in, and then you wouldn't have pulled it out. I have used you as an excuse for a year. i have felt cold and numb inside and rather than deal with it I found other things to fill the void. I have gained all of the weight I had lost back. I am not using you as an excuse but I kept telling myself one more this one more that. I will start after the weekend, I will start tomorrow, just eat the pizza tonight and I will be ready. Food is not the answer, I know that. I miss you, and I wish you were still here. The last thing you would want is for me to gain weight and I know that. I will start Thursday and stick to it. I will use this sight to talk to you, but also to tell about whether I was good on my diet, and whether I worked out. I have to get the guilt and sadness out of me. I don't know how to be happy when I am so sad. At least in the next few weeks we will run out of "firsts". You know the first Christmas without you and so on. I don't know if you had lived if we would have been better friends, or I would have wasted more time. Had you walked out of that hospital would you have changed? These are the questions I would ask. Life flies by at an awesome pace and nobody knows how long their trip will last. Did you have any regrets? If you could do it all over again what would you change? These deep questions I turn on myself when I think about you. I thought I would be so different than you, I wouldn't let work rule my life, I would be there for everything. The truth is, I realize that you weren't a bad parent and what you did was for your family, but I have become you. I only wish that I was as involved in the community as much as you. I wish that I could slow things down and capture some of that time. It was so much fun taking Tanis fishing, just letting the time drift by. I am sad, I do miss you, I am guilty and i am depressed. I don't know if this even makes sense anymore. I need to snap out of this funk and take care of me and my family. That is what I am going to do. Love ya guy.

Catch Up

The Spartans beat Notre Dame 2 weeks ago, and Indiana last week. The Tigers finished in last place in their division. Tanis insisted we put our inflatable Sparty out in the yard. I don't know how all of the Buckeye fans feel but my son loves it. I have had a hard week with customer service from Sprint and Empire flooring. It is crazy, but I won't go into it. We had our kitchen through the bathroom tiled. It is nice to have it done. The kitchen looks great. I spent last night hooking appliances back up. Jackie had her wedding last Saturday, but Kellie and I did not go. Things are pretty shook up in the economy right now. I am hopeful that things will settle down as the retail industry can't take too long of a shake up. I don't have a lot of fun things to talk about, I am trying to stay light hearted but some really bad things could happen if our government doesn't do the right thing (and since they rarely do the right thing I am a little nervous). Hey at least pre-season Hockey has started, go Wings. Love ya guy.

A Long Time

Time does tend to go by without us realizing it. Well a lot has happened since the last time I posted. Mom ended up in the hospital but got out. She has a staph infection and has been taking an antibiotic drip twice a day. Things are going okay for her, she got a good report from the doctor last week who admitted he was afraid they would have to go in again. The weekend before Labor Day Kellie, Tanis and I went on a little vacation. We went to Geauga Lake on Friday (the park is closed but the water park is still there). We had fun in the water park and left there to go to a bed and breakfast in Bolivar, Ohio. It was called Wild Horses Bed and Breakfast. It was a little cabin with a loft. It was nice although it was in the middle of Amish country. We went n an ill advised night hike and ended up scratched but okay. On Saturday we saw the world largest cuckoo clock, and even bought one for our house. (I managed to damage it when I hung it up, and is currently being fixed). Then we went to Lehmans hardware. It is an old fashioned but huge hardware store. It has one lot for cars and an even larger lot for buggies. This hardware store is all about non electric hardware. It was neat, we bought a large cast iron skillet, and some candles. Tanis bought some cookie cutters. After that we went to Orrville, Ohio, and visited the Smuckers plant. We didn't really have time to see much, but we did buy Tanis some JIF socks that he absolutely loves. On Sunday we went on a six mile canoe trip. Six miles is a bit much, and the river was pretty shallow in spots. They lashed 2 canoes together for us so we wouldn't have to worry about capsizing. It was fun, but took a lot of time. We then went to a lake where we rented a speed boat and a tube to tow behind. That did not turn out as well as it could have for many reasons, but I will not post them (some things can only be shared between two people). Labor day weekend came and went, the weather was amazing so sales suffered some. Kellie was able to avoid going on strike, even though the deal the teachers accepted wasn't all that good. The Lions have started off 0 and 2. The Spartans are 2 and 1. This past Saturday Kellie and I saw Toby Kieth in concert. I know you really didn't like country music, but it was enjoyable. We had a pretty long hike from our car to the concert and back again. After the concert some red necks were running their trucks through the large mud puddle in the field. It is an experience that would only happen at a country concert, or maybe a NASCAR event. On Sunday Tanis and I went to a father son bowling event held by the church. It was fun and we had a good time. Later on Sunday we got a really bad wind storm that blew a lot of branches down all around. That in a nutshell catches us up, I will try and be better with the posts. Love ya guy.

Mom

Mom had her right knee replaced before my birthday. On August 7th she had to have it re-opened because her sutures had opened. They fixed things and sent her on her way. On Friday she visited the doctor because her leg was red around the sutures. He sent her to the hospital and the opened the knee again and went layer by layer irrigating, and cleaning. Then they replaced the plastic piece between the 2 metal pieces. They ran cultures and found out she has a staph infection. She will have to wear a pump that continuously cleans the the wound, and puts in antibiotics for 4 to 6 weeks. Then she will have to take an oral antibiotic for 4 more weeks. It seems surreal. The worst part of it is that there is only a 40% chance that the knee won't have to be replaced. I know you are up there, do you think you can help those odds in her favor? Love ya guy.

Penny troubles

It has been pretty hard to find wheat pennies. I have managed to collect 4 of them so far. Love ya guy.

One you would appreciate

I had given up on reading Clive Cussler, I was enamored with his books. They were okay but not the best thing I have ever read. I needed a book and was at the grocery store and a Clive book was the only thing available I was willing to read. So the book is called The Navigator and shortly into it I run across a paragraph that says Vice president Sandecker and NUMA director Pitt. What? I have never heard of this, when did this happen? I thought right away that it would have called you to find out what book that happened in. Love ya guy.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is mom's birthday. I was talking to her last night and she started to cry. I guess this is one of those times that we miss you. I missed you on my birthday. I know that time has started to heal the loss of you. But at the strangest times we are reminded of you. I received a Nintendo DS, and I found some of my old gameboy games, I put the poker one in and it was actually yours, you were one of the saved files. Alex has stayed with us for the last week and a half, and he and I had some conversations that you and I would have had. He misses listening to sports radio with you. I missed you all at our annual picnic. I couldn't remember why you weren't there last year, but I remember you weren't. I was frustrated that I couldn't remember why. I don't like forgetting anything about you. It is scary that I may lose some of my memories of you. I know time will rob me of some of these but it does make me sad. My birthday was fun, the picnic was fun. I did some ribs as well as the chicken this year. The ribs were excellent. I want to post here more often, but it has been a little hard to talk to you lately. I miss you a lot, I miss being able to call you and ask you about MSU football. You died to soon, I was supposed to have you in my life for another 20 years. Mom was supposed to have you in her life for the next 20 years. We all miss you and on our birthdays it is hard not to wish for another day with you, to wish to wake from a dream and be able to tell you about this bad dream we had. We wish we had tine to spend with you. Love ya guy.

Difference between boys and girls

Kellie called yesterday to tell me about a tea party Tanis was having. He and some Lego guys were playing with a tea set and the mini wood stove. Kellie asked him what they were doing, and he told her that the bad guy was in the stove. He later said the bad guy was the stove. I have always told her that if you give a boy two of anything one will be good one will be bad and the two will be crashed into each other. Give a girl two of something and they will get along and build a house or whatever. Boys have to be boys. You build something so you can knock it down. A car is supposed to crash into other things. Pets are supposed to be ridden. Boys will make anything into a gun or put a gun on anything. A pencil will have a laser or is a laser itself. It is funny how different boys are. I told her some days he will just want to be mischievous and break things. Love ya guy.

Birthday Blues

Another birthday looms on the horizon. They don't mean as much as they used to. Tanis gets excited, he loves to give presents, although he really likes to help open them. Kellie and Tanis made some clear shelves for me in the basement so I can show off my Lego sets. Mom bought me the Sand Crawler which is 1500 pieces. Tanis can't wait to put it together. I think it will take a couple days to put it together, but we are going to give it a real try on Friday. Mom goes in for surgery Thursday. Kellie, Tanis and I went bowling on Saturday. Kellie actually won the first game, but I think the bumpers helped a little. Tanis really wants to go miniature golfing again, he had a lot of fun the last time, and the course we went to had 2 different courses. Work is picking back up. I know I had sworn him off, but I bought a new Clive Cussler book today. Love ya guy.

Time Moves Forward

Well it official, at least to me, I am called dad now more often than daddy. I feel this makes us both older. He is growing up, and no longer using the baby terms. If he is getting older then I am getting older. I am so proud of Tanis. He tries very hard to be independent and likes to try to do things himself. I guess I will accept I am dad and be there for him as he grows. Love ya guy.

Catching Up

Kellie had lasik surgery yesterday. It is pretty interesting how quickly they do it. She is healing and already has better sight. She handled it quite well. It was a little pricey, but I don't think that you look for deals when it comes to your eyes. The doctor who did her procedure has been doing them for 25 years for the Air Force.

The new dog Izzy has been doing well, but she still hasn't been completely house broken, and it is starting to weigh on some nerves. She is getting a little better, but Pugs are not the easiest to train.

Mom has her knee surgery coming up very soon, about a week, and the contractor is not done yet. It is going to be a challenge to see if he will get it done before the surgery. She is going to stay with Janis for a while after the surgery.

Tanis is doing well. He keeps going through phases. Right now he is on a real Transformers infatutation. Luckily he forgot about my box of them in the basement. He also loves to build robots. It is very hard to build robots out of tinkertoys. He has done well at tee ball, but I think he is a little young.

Work is going well. My diet has not done very well. I am having a hard time getting focused on it. I was talking about you on Saturday and really started to miss you. Love ya guy.

This Past Weekend

This past weekend was your golf outing. It was a mixture of emotions. I had fun golfing with mom, Larry, and Scott. We didn't do well, in fact we tied for last place. That is right, we couldn't even win last place out right. It was fitting that it rained some as the one person said every time you scheduled an event there it would rain. People shared experiences about you. Larry told me a story that was pretty funny, but not appropriate to post. A lot of people "heard" you on the golf course. I heard "keep your head down." Other heard "Oh Robert." It was fun, but sad because it would have been a lot more fun to play the round with you. I must admit I love the hybrid club. Saturday night Kellie and I met Scott and his wife Andrea at the sun festival. We paid to get in and then bought tickets to taste micro-brews and wines. Uncle John's cider mill had a hard cider that was pretty tasty, but we tried a few that weren't tasty at all. We had Sir Pizza for dinner. In the morning we met mom, Cheri, and Alex for breakfast. We headed home, but did make a few stops on the way. It was a bitter sweet weekend, old wounds were opened, it was fun but sad. Love ya guy.

Light

The light stuff, I have a jar (I still need to clean t out) so my 4 pennies will have a home. I will continue to look for Wheat pennies to fill the jar. Boston came out last night and stomped all over the Lakers to win by 39 points. Tiger had an 18 hole playoff and it still had to go to a sudden death playoff, Tiger won.

Some Thoughts

Sunday was Father's Day. I missed you. I have decided to do something inspired by you. You used to collect Wheat pennies in a jar, I have decided to start doing this as well. I have 4 of them so far, and no jar but it will come along. I also learned how hard it must have been for you. It seems very hard to find a balance between work and family. I know that we work for our families and sometimes that takes us from our families. I know we let them down sometimes because we have to do something. It must have been even harder on you because you owned the business and you had only yourself to count on. I can not imagine the stress. Cheri and Alex had fun at MIS, mom went and saw her brother. I spent this weekend working, although Friday Kellie and I had fun celebrating our anniversary. We went to a comedy club and saw Tom Wilson, he played Bif on Back to the Future, he was pretty funny. We went to Brasa afterward, Brasa is a Brazilian restaurant where they bring all kinds of meat out to you, the Parmesan crusted fillet was the best. The other thing we did Friday was buy Kellie a new car. We bought her a Jeep Liberty with a slider roof, the roof opens up almost the full length. For fathers day I got a Lego set and some cards. The cards were pretty cool, and put the Lego together this morning. It is the Well of Souls from Indiana Jones. Tans really likes to play with all of the snakes and make the wall crash open. So much is going on right now I don't even know what is going on. I missed you on Sunday so I am wishing you a Happy Father's day because you will always be my dad even if you aren't here anymore. Love ya guy.

Wings Win

The Wings closed out the Stanley cup last night. It was cool to watch them hoist the Cup again. They blew it Monday night at home with 35 seconds left. They went on to lose the game in a third overtime period. I almost had to rant because rumor had it that Ozzy was going to be the MVP. He wasn't, and that made me happy. You know how I feel about Osgood, but he did save them and took over the net from Hasek. Zetterberg was the MVP. I will miss you now because I know you would go out and get me a hat or shirt or both and send it to me. You were good with that. In fact we found newspapers from the one before that you had saved for me. Love ya guy.

Fishing

Tanis and I went fishing yesterday. I don't remember the first time we fished, I hope it went better for you than me. He didn't really get the whole hold on to the pole and reel. He set his pole down a lot. Caught several trees and a rock. To be fair we were fishing at the reservoir in Norwalk. The "beach" consisted of a lot of rocks. I found a spot for him to stand at, but he was more interested in playing with the worms, which he started to throw into the water so the fish could have breakfast. I hooked a fish and tried to get him to reel in his pole so the lines wouldn't tangle. I couldn't hand him my pole as it was bent almost double, I had no idea what I had hooked. I figured we would catch small pan fish so I did not buy a net or a hook remover or anything else. We just had 2 cheap poles. So I am holding onto my pole trying to land a fish and also reel his in at the same time. I got his pole done and fought my fish awhile longer, it surfaces and what do you know it is a catfish. A catfish, that is not what I expected. The whole time I am waiting for my line to snap, but it holds. The fish is hooked to good for me to get the hook out, so I broke the line and pushed him back into the water with my foot. He swam away. The catfish was over a foot long, but I figure he weighed less than 10 lbs., as I had 10 lbs. test line. So the chaos is finished, we continued to fish for a while longer and then headed home. I don't know what he will remember of our first fishing trip, hopefully all of it good. Wings lost 1 to Pittsburgh series is 2 to 1 in favor of Detroit. The Pistons have to win tonight and the beat Boston at home to advance. Love ya guy.

Tough Day on the Horizon

Sometimes tough days sneak up unexpected. Yesterday was one of those days. It all happened at Meijers of all places. I saw Schullers chips and couldn't help think of you, it gave me a small twang of sadness. I then went over to another section and had to walk past the fathers day cards. Being a father was one thing we definitely had in common. I even found the card I would have gotten you, it was a picture of a Corvette and it talked about getting you a shiny sports car for fathers day once you opened it the inside had a set of keys you could cut out and talked about paper keys for a paper car. I know you would have liked it. I asked Kellie what she was going to do for her dad for Fathers days, and she almost asked what i was going to do for you. For you I will take some time and reflect on the things I learned from you and all of the time we spent together. I learned to golf from you (hey I have to blame someone). I learned to fish and definitely how to collate. I have learned a lot from you, and I will definitely miss you. The Red Wings won game 1 of the Stanley finals last night. Love ya guy.

Chasing A Dream

This weekend was full of a lot. Saturday was like a day with 36 hours in it. Tanis, Kellie and I headed up to Novi for the convention. We spent time and money. It was fun. We got a new dragon doorbell as the one from last year was stolen. Tanis got a new R2 and a lot of other things. Kellie got to meet Mickey Dolenz and bought an autographed book from him. We met up with James and his friend. We stayed until 6 when it closed. Then the second part of the day started. We headed to meet mom at Frandor where I dropped Kellie and Tanis off, they went to dinner at Emils. James and I went to somewhere on Wise road in Lansing to watch Ron fight. He fought in a sanctioned fight, not an exhibition. We were able to talk to him before the fight and could tell he was ready. He beat the guy in 2 minutes 10 seconds. He actually ended up breaking the guys orbital bone. He was amazing. He has always chased his dream and I saw him achieve it Saturday it was pretty amazing. I wondered if it would of been something I could have talked you into going. I figure probably not. Then I went to pick up my family and got to see the new stairs in the house. It was weird walking into the closet to go to the basement. Mom is pretty excited and it puts the bathroom closer to being finished. I then drove home. I got home around 3 a.m. Sunday Kellie had a bell performance at church it was very good. The new puppy is adapting well and is very friendly with Tanis. She plays a little rough and he is not used to the dog fighting back a little. Cheri got her pop up camper so she has a little dream of camping at the races fulfilled. Red Wings will try to get to their dream by beating the Stars tonight. Cleveland had their dream come to an end yesterday as the Celtics eliminated them. Detroit Boston starts on Wednesday I believe. Love ya guy.

Catching Up

A lot has happened since the last post. Detroit Pistons have made it to the conference finals for a 6th time in a row. The Wings have Dallas on the ropes 3 to 1 headed to the finals, and if it hadn't been for a bad call Detroit probably would have swept Dallas. Saturday is the Motor City Comic Con and we are headed to it. Nobody huge is going to be at it, but Tanis is pretty excited and Kellie wants to see Mickey Dolenz. Cheri turned forty, I got her a card implying she is a lot older than that. Mom is helping her get a pop up camper they are going to pick it up tomorrow. Ron has a fight scheduled and I may go see it. We adopted a new pug today, she is a nine month old fawn girl called Izzy. A little rough getting acclimated so far, but I think it will be fine. Love ya guy.

Playoff Update

The Wings struggled through the first round. here in the second round they beat up the Colorado Avalanche pretty well. On Thursday they completed the sweep 8 to 2. The Pistons wrapped up their first round as well beating the 76ers. Yesterday Tanis and I got some pictures taken for Kellie for mothers day, the reason I am telling you about this is because we gave it to her last night. (Tanis can't really keep a secret.) We went shopping yesterday and he got the complete first and second seasons of Scooby Doo. He has become quite the Scooby Doo fan, I can hear you talking about another young boy you knew how liked Scooby Doo. I will admit I think the DVD collection is pretty cool. I am hoping you will help me out during your golf outing since I will be using your clubs. Love ya guy.

A new member of the house

On Saturday we added a new member to our family. We purchased Tuck, he is a Russian Tortoise. I converted my bottom fish tank into a new home for him. He is kind of a boring a pet as he just lays there mostly, but Tanis wanted him. I voted for a lizard, but Tuck won out. He is fun in the fact that we are learning a lot about him, like he can live up to 75 years, and should be taken outside on warm days. We are in the early planning stages for building a deck on the pool this year. I hope to have it done no later than the middle of June. We are planning on going to the Motor City Comic Con on Saturday May 17th. We need to replace our dragon door bell as somebody stole it. I don't know anything else we will be looking for, but we should have some fun. Love ya guy.

Robert Pancost Memorial Golf Outing

The golf outing is Saturday June 21st. That is all I have been told so far. I am looking forward to it, and plan on getting on the course. I don't know if I will be in a foursome with mom or make up my own. I think that it is pretty cool. Pistons were spanked last night in Philly, but the Wings are currently winning. Things are going well. Love ya guy.

What is new?

Since my last post the Red Wings finished the first round with a win. The Pistons managed to lose game one, but won game two. The Tigers beat the Rangers 19 to 6 last night. The Tigers have been struggling, but maybe they have decided to hit like they should. The Wings will face the Avalanche in the next round. I have been working out this whole week, today was just riding, 14.6 miles and 706 calories. I am down 2 pounds since Monday. On Tuesday I took my car in to have the brakes looked at, I thought the rotor needed turned. Wrong!!! I needed front and rear brakes, and 2 tie rods replaced. It was a little more expensive than I thought. Work is going okay, and Kellie and I are getting along pretty well. She went with me last Friday to uncle Davids viewing. Yesterday mom told me that the Lansing Jaycees are going to have a Robert Pancost Memorial Golf Outing, I don't know when it is, but I am looking forward to it. Love ya guy.

2 Weeks?

Has it been two weeks? I guess so. I haven't been lacking in things to tell you, just time. I guess I will tell you the worst first, uncle David was killed in a car accident on Tuesday morning. They think he may of had a heart attack which caused him to veer off the road and hit a tree. The funeral is on Saturday, and I am not sure if I will be able to make it or not. Hockey playoffs have started, Detroit won the first 2 but have dropped the last 2. You know the Wings if they make it past the first round they should do well. The Tigers are off to a horrible start, but they beat Cleveland last night. Basketball playoffs start this weekend. They say the 2 best teams are Boston and Detroit, but we will have to see how it goes. I was flying a kite with Tanis last night, but he decided to run towards it and that caused it to crash into the neighbors tree. After a lot of tugging I was able to get it down. I found the part for the pool I gave you. The part that is very important when it comes to draining the pool. We ordered new storm doors for the deck and the garage. They are cool because as the window slides down a screen rolls out so you don't have to pull windows out or anything. They are being installed on Saturday. I have been doing well on my diet and I have worked out for the last 2 weeks like I should. I even got up at 5:15 Saturday morning to ride before the sales meeting. We considered buying a Great Dane, but the father was 175 pounds, and I think that is big even for a Great Dane. Work is work, we are getting ready for the line change in about a month. Love ya guy.

What is going on?

The men's team lost the sweet 16 game. Actually they got spanked by 21 points. The hockey team lost in the second round. The girls are in the final game of the NIT. Both the Pistons and the Wings are in the playoffs. The Tigers have lost their first 2 games, I know it is a long season, but they lost to the Royals.
Mom is going to Florida with Janis and the kids. She is leaving Saturday. I think she is looking forward to it.
Work is gearing up for the busy season. We just completed our order for the new line up.
Last night Kellie and Tanis went to a basketball game at the high school. it was a Harlem Globetrotter type team, he had a lot of fun. He won an autographed basketball and poster. For Christmas we got him a leapster game system, and he has been having a lot of fun learning letters and what not. I have been having trouble teaching him some things because he is definitely choosing to be left handed. It was hard to teach him to cast a fishing pole and even writing because he wants to mimic the right hand. Otherwise things are busy and hectic.
I haven't posted for awhile because i have been trying to come to terms with a couple things. When I was at church on Easter Sunday I got really mad at you. It took me a bit of reflection to realize why. I remember we had to go to the early service last year because you and mom were coming to visit, but that wasn't going to happen this year. I was definitely angry at you, I miss talking to you in person. I thought about being on the deck and talking about the NCAA tourney or whatever might have come up. Our time together was always so hurried that it was almost impossible to just relax and talk about whatever. I guess it always comes back to all of the things we should have done. I know i wasn't the best son in the world. You let me go experience life and tries to save me from making mistakes you made. I always thought I knew better than you, but I see now that you taught me so much. I miss you. love ya guy.

Fun Weekend

This was a good weekend. The Spartans won both of their games so they are in the sweet sixteen. Easter was fun, we hid eggs in the house for Tanis because it was too cold to do it outside. We played cards and Scrabble at my in-laws. Deb made an ice cream cake that was very good. I got to take a nap which was nice. I am not sure but I got really mad at you during the Easter service at church. I guess it just seems silly to have lost you over a leg infection. i thought about the year before when we went to the early service because you and mom were coming down. I miss you a lot. I had a dream about you on Friday, you had been out fishing and had brought back some fish. We cleaned them and then started to make a stew with scallops and other fishy things. It was a nice dream, it reminded me of the times that you would just create in the kitchen. I got over my anger, but I do miss you. I hope that the Spartans can go deep into the tourney and maybe even win it. A trip to the final four would be cool. Love ya guy.

Catching Up

The Spartans played their first NCAA Tourney game and won. The Pistons lost last night but the Wings won. I visited mom yesterday. Tanis and I drove up and we all went to lunch at Carlin's Catch. Mom and I had fish and chips, they were really good. The clam chowder was excellent (it is the old city fish recipe). We went to Toys r Us and mom bought us some Legos. We drove around a bit and visited Cheri. Things are going okay at the shop. Easter is this weekend, but mom isn't coming down. My in-laws are coming over for lunch. We are just getting some stuff from Honey Baked. I have been e-mailing Roger, and have enjoyed the on going conversation. Mom is doing alright, but Burgess ordered some tests for her. Love ya guy.

They Blew It

The Spartans had a 10 point lead with less than five minutes left and blew it against Wisconsin. They are in the NCAA tourney, but who knows how they will do. I hope they make it out of the first weekend. We might go visit mom on Wednesday. Things here are good, church was fun yesterday. They had a some fun things for kids to do before the service. Not a whole lot to say today, I just hope the Spartans can turn it around in the tournament. Love ya guy.

Spartans Win

They beat the Buckeyes 60 to 67. This is just the first round of the big ten tourney. Love ya guy

Date Night

Kellie and I went outlast night. We had dinner and then went bowling. This is twice in 6 months I have been bowling. I bowled a 157 and 122. The lanes were a bit oily, and I didn't have a rag to wipe the ball. Kellie said if we were going to go bowling a lot she wanted to get her own ball. We looked a little at the pro shop, but I think Dicks or Dunhams will probably be a better option. I said if we were going to go more often I want my own pair of shoes. We have been working on our relationship, you know they have ups and downs. This is a conversation I would have loved to have in person. I have worked out most of this week, and today I increased some of the weights on my workout. Kellie had a seminar on Photoshop today, I don't remember how familiar you were with it. Mom is doing well, she bought a scanner and is going to convert your slides onto a disc. I think it should be pretty cool, she said one of the packs were from the pig roast. She said the pig was being mounted on the spit. The Spartans play the Buckeyes today at 2 in the first round of the big 10 tourney. The Spartans are going to the big dance, but the Buckeyes really need to win today to assure themselves. The Wings have snapped out of their funk and won the last few games, they still hold a ten point lead over any team in the NHL. I found out the kid who hit me doesn't have any insurance, so I am not sure what I am going to do there. I miss you, love ya guy.

What a Weekend

I closed the stores early on Friday. We ended up not opening on Saturday. By Sunday morning Cleveland had been hit with anywhere from 18 inches to 24 inches. I was out 3 times cleaning off the snow. Drifts were hanging off the house, and one fell on me when I was cleaning the driveway. I did 3 of my neighbors houses. The snow blower did not want to start for me on Saturday afternoon. I was a little worried that I would have to shovel. We have a lot of snow piled all over, and by this weekend we are supposed to be in the 50s. We had fun hanging out at home on Saturday, we colored eggs and played a lot. Sunday Tanis and Kellie went outside and tried to take Scamp with them. Scamp was excited until she got off the deck and then she was tired of the snow. They built a cave and played outside for over an hour. It was sunny and no more snow fell. Love ya guy.

Here Comes the Snow Again

Well, we are getting hit again today. Tuesday we got hit with rain, freezing rain, and snow. The roads were bad Tuesday night, and Kellie got Wednesday off. Wednesday and Thursday were decent days, sunny but cold. Today the weather has returned. We are under a snow warning until 4 a.m. Sunday. Between now and Sunday we can get up to 14 inches of snow. I am thankful for your old snow blower, I have a feeling it will be getting a good workout over the next couple of days. If I believed in global warming this week would really lead me to question things. The Spartan boys went undefeated at home this season, but on the road was a different story. Right now I am thinking about closing the stores early. The weather is continuing to deteriorate. When I get home I will have to clean off the driveway. Everything else is pretty much status quo. Love ya guy.

Fun Weekend Wicked Monday

We had a lot of fun this last weekend. Roger had a very nice wedding this weekend. We got up and on the road by 7 a.m. I got a GPS system, and it took us there with no problem. We enjoyed the wedding, and the reception afterword. Tanis liked the Holiday Inn, it had a play area. We had dinner at the hotel, Roger and Sarah hosted a get together, and a lot of out of town guests attended. I sat by aunt Buelah. Tanis was so worn out that he fell asleep during dinner. The next morning we went to church, and then went to Birch Run. Kellie bought a lot of clothes. I bought Tanis a stuffed R2D2 and a stuffed C3PO. We spent about 3 hours shopping. So we had a lot of fun. Then Monday happened. It started with my meeting being cancelled. I then went to get an oil change, it took over an hour. It turns out the last time I was there they put a spring plug in, well it was tightened too tight and broke. He had to use a magnet to pull the broken bits out. Then they had to install a new plug, and had to re-tap the plug. Like I said this took over an hour. I had a customer service call in Massilon, and on they way back decided to stop by our Fairlawn store. I had gotten off the freeway and was waiting for the light to change. I heard a screech and looked up to see where it was coming from. I found out as the car hit me. My car was hit on the rear passenger side bumper. I don't know how much damage was caused, but fortunately nobody was hurt. So Monday was a trying day, and once I got home it continued to be trying. But like all bad days it comes to an end, and if no one was hurt I guess it wasn't so bad after all. Love ya guy.

A Dream

I have a feeling you were busy last night. I received the message, I will stick to my diet, and I will hit my new goal by my birthday. I needed the nudge to tell me to snap out of it, I really have been down because of your passing. I got up early and made lunch for today and Friday. This weekend will be a little bad because of the wedding, but come Monday I am at it. Yesterday was interesting, Kellie hit a pothole and managed to destroy 2 tires, but we had to replace 3 so the treads would match in the front. Mom is moving forward with a lot of the remodeling she wanted to do. I still think the stairs to the basement being in the front closet is weird, but I guess I will always think about it being a closet originally. The Wings have fallen apart since the all-star break, although I think they still have the most points of any team in the NHL. The Tigers won their first spring training game. The Pistons are still in first. Our Spartans are doing okay, though they are not going to win the big ten this season, but hey it is all about the big show anyway. Love ya guy.

Older Post

There is a new post in January 11th it is called its has been a little while

A memory

I haven't been very good at talking to you lately. Life has been pretty busy, and I guess I haven't made you a priority. I know you know that I love you, and I miss you. Today is a day that I miss you a lot. I was in Medina at the Country Club looking at the new posturepedic line up. I remember the round of golf that you, mom, and I played. It was fun. I often wonder why we didn't play more often, other than I suck at golf. Don't get me wrong, I always have had fun on the course, but I don't think it is relaxing. I remember you signing me up for lessons through the Lansing State Journal, I don't remember if I did it one or two years. I guess I might get better if I went more often than once a year. I don't know if I will go even once this year since Sealy probably will not have their outing. I don't know why you loved it so much, golf that is. I know that in heaven your knees don't hurt you anymore, and I am sure you are out at least once a week playing a round. Mom is doing well, she is going to have a lot done to the house. Alex is OK, but he is having some trouble at school. Cheri and the shop are struggling, but I think she will be all right. Kellie and I are talking about taking a trip to Disney this summer, but it is dependent on taxes. Love ya guy.

This Weekend

Mom and Alex came to visit this weekend, actually they delivered a large order of invoices for the stores. We needed them as we are usually pretty busy over President's day weekend. Mom and I talked a bit about you this weekend. We agreed that you would have driven them down too. It was pretty cool that she came down. They decided to stay an extra night, so they stayed last night as well as Friday. Alex is doing allright, he really enjoyed playing the WII. Mom bowled a game on it and ironically got her average 145. Alex was doing well, but then I showed him that the character he was using was left handed (It was one we set up for Tanis, who is being left hand dominate) so he made a character that was right handed and that increased his scores. Work has been hectic, but sometimes that is good. I also forgot to tell you that while I was in Vegas I was given a wheat penny. I never did find out why you liked them so much. Everything else is going well, Kellie and I are getting better everyday, even though the flu has been rampant in our house for the last 2 weeks. Love ya guy.

Things Left Undone

Mom replied to my last post and talked about things you wanted to do but never did. I have thought about some of these as well. I have also thought about things we have done, experiences I had with you that I would like to have with my son. Searching for sand dollars comes to mind. I don't know the bleach solution to dry them out, but I remember the smell. Pikes Peak on my birthday, the only snow storm I have ever been in during the month of July. A snow day, going into work with you, and being your delivery boy. I always liked making deliveries to the Gumball Express. This is actually something my son has done, as far as going to work with me, he really enjoys it. I know that some of that has to do with just spending time with his daddy. I would like to share some of these experiences with him. The Grand Canyon, Cape Canaveral, live lobsters in Maine. We had a lot of fun. I want to give my son some great memories as well. By the time I was his age I had already been to an ocean. Anyway, that is all nostalgia, I have been thinking about things we (you and I) talked about doing. We talked about going to see the Lions on Thanksgiving. We talked abut seeing the Red Wings play at the Joe. We talked about doing another charter fishing tour. I always wanted to go to Canada with you fishing. I also always wanted an invitation to your poker table. Oh well, the point is that I don't think I will talk about htis stuff anymore, I will just do it. That is what I learned don't count on tommorrow being here, live in the know, and don't leave things unsaid. That is why I always close with Love Ya Guy. I have tried to tell my son every night I Love You, I am proud of you, and I thank God for you. The other night he told me he had heard that enough. I replied that you can never hear it enough. Love ya guy.

Happy Birthday?

Today would have been your 60th birthday. I have been thinking a lot about what today means. Mainly I was thinking about what to do for mom. What would be appropriate to send her today? A flower, a pie, a card? I guess the real question is whether or not you continue to celebrate birthdays for those who have passed. I see you really have two choices when it comes to honoring the deceased, celebrate their birthday or celebrate their decease date. I think it fundamentally comes down to the person. Do I want to honor your life or your death? I want to honor your life I want to celebrate all of what you did, I am sure November 2nd will be a hard day for me, but today I wonder about all the birthdays I "FORGOT' to send you a card. Although I don't believe I ever missed calling to wish you a happy birthday. I wondered what I might have gotten you as a present this year. I think a father son outing. Maybe a baseball game, maybe a fishing trip, maybe a round of golf. People take so much for granted, we get caught up in our own little worlds and think that there will always be time later. I guess I got the present, I am not taking time with my family for granted, I try very hard to make time for my son. I hope you don't think I think less of you, I know you have to work hard to provide for a family, but when life gives me opportunities I am going to take them. I cherish the times we spent fishing, the time spent on the golf course, the time you spent talking to me while I grilled, those are cherished memories, but a little too rare. I choose to honor your life, and I will celebrate your birthday. Love ya guy.

Back Home

Well, I went to Las Vegas last week. i didn't take you because I was a little worried about security. I didn't want you to get confiscated. Tuesday through Thursday were pretty well packed. A lot of walking, and a lot of looking at things. The new line from Sealy was pretty cool. We saw a mattress pad that allows you to chill one side of the bed and heat the other side, the downside to it is that it retails around $1000. I didn't make it to any shows, but I did go exploring. The souveniers I brought home don't reflect much exploring, but I did roam. I brought the FLU home for myself. I was laid up Sunday and Monday, and am still feeling it today. Mostly I just have sweating and a cough left. The Spartans lost on Saturday although they shouldn't have. The Patriots lost the Super Bowl, and the Wings are still looking really good. The Pistons continue to lead their division. Love ya guy.

Working Out

We have been working out like we should. Last night I did my ten minute warm up (Bike) and a twenty minute warm down. Between the two rides I rode over eleven miles. I also did my weight lifting routine. This morning I went for a forty minute bike ride and rode over fourteen miles. I feel really good when I work out. Kellie and I will probably do her ballet video tonight. I was mostly good on my diet yesterday, and have been good so far today. I want you to know that I am very proud of you. I am proud of all of the things you were involved in. I am proud of the friendships you formed, and your loyalty to your friends. I can't imagine what you would have accomplished if you had stayed healthy. Love ya guy.

Accountability

Well, being weighed in three times a week brings a lot of accountability. I gained a pound since Monday. Sometimes when we fudge things a bit it bites us. Today I will be good! I can't promise anything more than that. I have been good so far, and am looking forward to lunch. Mom is doing well, and has some plans to renovate the house. Work is going well, and I am trying to enforce some accountability there as well. The Wings won last night, Chris Osgood shut out LA. He has been made the starter in the all star game. You know how I feel about that. If Detroit can bring the cup home than MAYBE I will cut Chris some slack. Love ya guy.

Back on Track

Kellie and I worked out last night. We hadn't worked out since the 9th. I am back on my diet today. Physicians gave me a goal for the week leading up to my trip to Vegas. I get a pass while in Vegas, and then they will be putting my feet to the fire. I have a long road ahead, but I will lose. Things are going well here, Kellie and I went to a couples seminar this last weekend that was designed to help you talk things out. One of the interesting things to me was the exercise in emptying your emotional jar. It really did help. It snowed last night so the roads were a little slick I saw an accident on my way into work, but I couldn't tell how bad it was. Roger is getting married in March. We will go up for the wedding. I've gone to Bible study the last 2 weeks, and have found it to be very interesting. I'll talk more about that soon. Love ya guy.

Excuses

I have found myself making a lot of excuses lately. I haven't been on my diet for no good reason. I haven't worked out in about a week. I used your death as a reason to gain weight back. I used the Holidays, even though I lost over the week of Christmas and New Years. Kellie and I working through our rough spot has caused me to not stick to the diet. I am tired of making excuses. I do not want to put my son through losing his father at 59 when I can help that not happen. I can't make any promises for this weekend, but I promise to you that on Monday I am serious. I will get back to working out, I will stick to my diet. I know that if you had lost some weight you would still be here. If you had controlled your diabetes better you would still be here. I will miss my goal for July but I have a new goal. I won't write it here, you will know what it is though, and it will happen by the end of July, by my birthday. I will not use you as an excuse, I have been in a funk, as this blog shows I go allover the place emotionally. I am tired of excuses, you taught me better, and I know the last thing you would want is for me to use your death to get fatter. Things will be better, and nothing is going to hold me back. Love ya guy.

Sports update

Our basketball team has problems, the boys ran out of luck and lost Saturday night. The ladies lost to Michigan on Sunday. The Pistons lost. It all seems trivial. I think the Spartans will turn it around, Tom Izzo isn't going to settle. I am not sure if you are the one messing with the train clock but please stop making it go off during the night. Love ya guy.

I've been thinking

I've been thinking about shutting down this blog. I like to talk to you, but it seems like it takes a lot of time. I also have been thinking a little less about you. In some ways I am afraid that I will forget you. Memories begin to fade, but that Friday will be burned into my mind. I watched you as you gasped your last few breaths. I wanted to stop time and bring you around so i could talk to you one last time. It was like when your father passed, and you told me not to worry because he wasn't that sick, a week later he was gone. By the time I got up to see you it was too late to talk to you. You did respond to my voice and my commands, but we were never able to have another conversation. You gasped several breaths before you were gone. I hated watching that. I hated losing you. I didn't know what to feel, I was cold inside and you were gone. Why I've been thinking about shutting this down is because life goes on for the living. I feel that maybe this holds you back from going on. I know you went to a better place, and are making room for the rest of us to meet you there. I do not hate you. I am not mad at you any more. I just really miss you. I drove past a golf course where people were playing a round, and I thought of you. So many little things remind me of you. Following sports really reminds me of you, you gave me my insights into the kind of year the teams might have. All of the people around here want to talk Cleveland, and sports fans root for the wrong team in Michigan. As time goes i may not drop by as often, I am not forgetting you, but I have to move forward. I want you to know that cherish all of the time we spent together, I just wish we had more, another time I know. Love ya guy.

It has been a little while

I made a big decision about you. I changed the name in my cell phone from parents to mom, and dad to pancost printing. I spent a bit of time agonizing over this. I miss you, but I think it was time. I put your baseballs and your Stanley cup in the basement on top of the gun safe. It has been a very warm winter so far, so I haven't used your snow blower much. Christmas was fun, but nobody received a Chow Chow calendar. I am going out to dinner tonight at the Eagles with my in-laws. This was a draft I thought I had lost, but I wanted to post it because it was a big deal to me. Although my personal cell phone still has parents. Damn, I miss you. You had an infectious smile. You could dominate a room, you were the guy people wanted to know, you were the guy that people remembered. I remember. I have had a lot of memories this week. As we talk about taking our first real family vacation I remember our vacations. I still remember the smell of the sand dollars as they were being bleached. I remember the miles long bridges in Florida. I remember snow on my birthday at Pikes Peak, I remember cooking lobsters in Maine. You were a great father, I know all of what you did you did for your family. I look back and realize that I never got to know you, everyone else in the room got to know you but I didn't. At your funeral I met some guy who knew you through the shop and he didn't know you had a son, he didn't know. I felt bad, that meant I wasn't around enough. I miss you, I know I will see you again, but I still miss you. Love ya guy.

Rough Days

Lately I have had the sensation that I could call and talk to you. I have felt twice that I could do this. I know you are gone, but I have had this odd sensation. I think that Cheri returning from the hospital seems to be affecting this. I have had a couple of thoughts about talking to you. maybe this blog is affecting it some as well, because I have been talking to you. I guess as of late I have been really missing you. On the light side Pistons lost Wings won yesterday, Spartan guys held on to win but the ladies lost. Love ya guy.

Cheri is home

Cheri came home from the hospital yesterday. Mom says she is doing all right, but she is in some pain. I guess she is going to try and go back to work next week. Mom is sounding tired, and needs a break.I told her she needs to take some "me" time. I bought her an I Pod for Christmas, I do not know if she has figured out how to use it yet. Kellie and I did our aerobic work out last night. Tonight is a lifting night, Monday I will go back to working out in the morning, and then keeping her company while she works out at night. I have been good for breakfast and lunch on my diet dinner has been a problem. I will go in for a weigh in on Monday, and that will add accountability. I remind myself that if you had lost more weight or been a bit healthier you would probably still be here. I know when we are called home we go, but I want to do things to make sure I live past 59. You and uncle David didn't make it to your 60s, I think this has your brother Bill scared. I know I am scared by it myself. Roger and his fiance sent their wedding invitations, Kellie and I will be going. He seems to be really happy, I think it is definitely cool. Not much else to report today, love ya guy.

Some Loose Ends

Cheri will get out of the hospital today. I guess she was moved from her room last night, and is ready to come home. Mom bought her a new twin set, I delivered it when I came up. A twin set strapped to the roof of a car for 180 miles is a lot of fun. Mom is ready for Cheri to come home as she has been with Alex only for about 3 weeks. This hospital visit had a happier ending than yours. I hope everyone can stay healthy in 2008. We have gotten quite a bit of snow the last couple of days, mom says she has gotten a lot too. She sounded pretty stressed last night (mom), so I tried to cheer her up a little, but I think I failed. Kellie and I started our workouts again last night. We had been bad the last couple of days, it feels good to work out. I love that feeling of fatigue, and strength. The Spartan women are not doing very well. Pistons and Wings won last night. The Wings are the best in the NHL right now. The NHL played an outdoor game on New Years Day. It seems to have gone over well. The Iowa caucus is today, I am still not sure whom will get my vote, I think things are fairly scary politically. I also don't see much difference between the parties any more. I plan on taking your mini urn with me to Vegas, I fly out on Tuesday the 29th. We will be staying at the Mirage. Love ya guy.

New Years Day

The stores were open today, but a big snow storm kept us pretty slow. I had to drive all the way from the East side of Cleveland to Norwalk for dinner, this is a long drive with clear roads. I made decent time all things considered. We had pork, sauerkraut and rice. All of which are traditional to have at Kellie's parents house for New Years. When we did our New years eve toast I wanted to say:"To friends lost this past year may they stay in our hearts and minds, and may the passing of the old help to heal the wounds of their loss." But thought it might bring people down some. Kellie's friend Amanda and her husband Sean and their triplets all came over on New Years Eve, we played a card game called Taboo. It was fun. Not a whole heck of a lot going on right now. I was torn yesterday because Michigan played their bowl game. I want to root for the Big Ten, but then again I always like to see a Michigan loss (they did win though). Cheri is going to find out today when she will be getting out of the hospital, I haven't heard anything yet, but will let you know. I asked Kellie to get rid of my copy of Sahara, as I can't watch it and not be able to call you and discuss all of what they did wrong. James did start reading Clive, or at least has picked up a couple of books. His newest book is not Dirk Pitt, and actually sounds pretty interesting. I hope in heaven you are able to take long walks on the beach. Watch the sun rise and set. I hope Tanis is right and you are playing fetch with Pugglett. I hope that your pain is gone and that you know how much we all miss you. Love ya guy.

New Year New Start

I am starting a new year without you. Time starts to heal all things. I have been through a few turbulent months now. I think you prepared me for them. I learned my work ethic from you. I plan on being more motivational in my job, and finally understand the working smarter not harder concept. I have some big plans to implement. Of course I am going to lose weight, and continue to work out. I think you will be proud of where I am headed in that aspect. I know there were a lot of things you wanted to do that your body just wouldn't let you. I know growing up you really loved amusement parks, well this year I will have lost enough weight that I will ride every roller coaster at Cedar Point in memory of you. I will be a better husband and father. I learned from you how to provide for a family, and that the man should make sacrifices for his family, I just wish you had taught me to show more emotion. I think it sucks that we never really talked about love until these last couple of years. In your eulogy I told people that a few years ago you started saying love ya guy, and that was about as mushy as you ever got. I WILL tell my son every chance I get, and I will let him know when I am proud of him. Sometimes lessons are learned by observing and doing the opposite. I think this new year will be awesome. Day one is filled with promise and hope, I just wish you were here to see it. Love ya guy.