Working Out

We have been working out like we should. Last night I did my ten minute warm up (Bike) and a twenty minute warm down. Between the two rides I rode over eleven miles. I also did my weight lifting routine. This morning I went for a forty minute bike ride and rode over fourteen miles. I feel really good when I work out. Kellie and I will probably do her ballet video tonight. I was mostly good on my diet yesterday, and have been good so far today. I want you to know that I am very proud of you. I am proud of all of the things you were involved in. I am proud of the friendships you formed, and your loyalty to your friends. I can't imagine what you would have accomplished if you had stayed healthy. Love ya guy.

Accountability

Well, being weighed in three times a week brings a lot of accountability. I gained a pound since Monday. Sometimes when we fudge things a bit it bites us. Today I will be good! I can't promise anything more than that. I have been good so far, and am looking forward to lunch. Mom is doing well, and has some plans to renovate the house. Work is going well, and I am trying to enforce some accountability there as well. The Wings won last night, Chris Osgood shut out LA. He has been made the starter in the all star game. You know how I feel about that. If Detroit can bring the cup home than MAYBE I will cut Chris some slack. Love ya guy.

Back on Track

Kellie and I worked out last night. We hadn't worked out since the 9th. I am back on my diet today. Physicians gave me a goal for the week leading up to my trip to Vegas. I get a pass while in Vegas, and then they will be putting my feet to the fire. I have a long road ahead, but I will lose. Things are going well here, Kellie and I went to a couples seminar this last weekend that was designed to help you talk things out. One of the interesting things to me was the exercise in emptying your emotional jar. It really did help. It snowed last night so the roads were a little slick I saw an accident on my way into work, but I couldn't tell how bad it was. Roger is getting married in March. We will go up for the wedding. I've gone to Bible study the last 2 weeks, and have found it to be very interesting. I'll talk more about that soon. Love ya guy.

Excuses

I have found myself making a lot of excuses lately. I haven't been on my diet for no good reason. I haven't worked out in about a week. I used your death as a reason to gain weight back. I used the Holidays, even though I lost over the week of Christmas and New Years. Kellie and I working through our rough spot has caused me to not stick to the diet. I am tired of making excuses. I do not want to put my son through losing his father at 59 when I can help that not happen. I can't make any promises for this weekend, but I promise to you that on Monday I am serious. I will get back to working out, I will stick to my diet. I know that if you had lost some weight you would still be here. If you had controlled your diabetes better you would still be here. I will miss my goal for July but I have a new goal. I won't write it here, you will know what it is though, and it will happen by the end of July, by my birthday. I will not use you as an excuse, I have been in a funk, as this blog shows I go allover the place emotionally. I am tired of excuses, you taught me better, and I know the last thing you would want is for me to use your death to get fatter. Things will be better, and nothing is going to hold me back. Love ya guy.

Sports update

Our basketball team has problems, the boys ran out of luck and lost Saturday night. The ladies lost to Michigan on Sunday. The Pistons lost. It all seems trivial. I think the Spartans will turn it around, Tom Izzo isn't going to settle. I am not sure if you are the one messing with the train clock but please stop making it go off during the night. Love ya guy.

I've been thinking

I've been thinking about shutting down this blog. I like to talk to you, but it seems like it takes a lot of time. I also have been thinking a little less about you. In some ways I am afraid that I will forget you. Memories begin to fade, but that Friday will be burned into my mind. I watched you as you gasped your last few breaths. I wanted to stop time and bring you around so i could talk to you one last time. It was like when your father passed, and you told me not to worry because he wasn't that sick, a week later he was gone. By the time I got up to see you it was too late to talk to you. You did respond to my voice and my commands, but we were never able to have another conversation. You gasped several breaths before you were gone. I hated watching that. I hated losing you. I didn't know what to feel, I was cold inside and you were gone. Why I've been thinking about shutting this down is because life goes on for the living. I feel that maybe this holds you back from going on. I know you went to a better place, and are making room for the rest of us to meet you there. I do not hate you. I am not mad at you any more. I just really miss you. I drove past a golf course where people were playing a round, and I thought of you. So many little things remind me of you. Following sports really reminds me of you, you gave me my insights into the kind of year the teams might have. All of the people around here want to talk Cleveland, and sports fans root for the wrong team in Michigan. As time goes i may not drop by as often, I am not forgetting you, but I have to move forward. I want you to know that cherish all of the time we spent together, I just wish we had more, another time I know. Love ya guy.

It has been a little while

I made a big decision about you. I changed the name in my cell phone from parents to mom, and dad to pancost printing. I spent a bit of time agonizing over this. I miss you, but I think it was time. I put your baseballs and your Stanley cup in the basement on top of the gun safe. It has been a very warm winter so far, so I haven't used your snow blower much. Christmas was fun, but nobody received a Chow Chow calendar. I am going out to dinner tonight at the Eagles with my in-laws. This was a draft I thought I had lost, but I wanted to post it because it was a big deal to me. Although my personal cell phone still has parents. Damn, I miss you. You had an infectious smile. You could dominate a room, you were the guy people wanted to know, you were the guy that people remembered. I remember. I have had a lot of memories this week. As we talk about taking our first real family vacation I remember our vacations. I still remember the smell of the sand dollars as they were being bleached. I remember the miles long bridges in Florida. I remember snow on my birthday at Pikes Peak, I remember cooking lobsters in Maine. You were a great father, I know all of what you did you did for your family. I look back and realize that I never got to know you, everyone else in the room got to know you but I didn't. At your funeral I met some guy who knew you through the shop and he didn't know you had a son, he didn't know. I felt bad, that meant I wasn't around enough. I miss you, I know I will see you again, but I still miss you. Love ya guy.

Rough Days

Lately I have had the sensation that I could call and talk to you. I have felt twice that I could do this. I know you are gone, but I have had this odd sensation. I think that Cheri returning from the hospital seems to be affecting this. I have had a couple of thoughts about talking to you. maybe this blog is affecting it some as well, because I have been talking to you. I guess as of late I have been really missing you. On the light side Pistons lost Wings won yesterday, Spartan guys held on to win but the ladies lost. Love ya guy.

Cheri is home

Cheri came home from the hospital yesterday. Mom says she is doing all right, but she is in some pain. I guess she is going to try and go back to work next week. Mom is sounding tired, and needs a break.I told her she needs to take some "me" time. I bought her an I Pod for Christmas, I do not know if she has figured out how to use it yet. Kellie and I did our aerobic work out last night. Tonight is a lifting night, Monday I will go back to working out in the morning, and then keeping her company while she works out at night. I have been good for breakfast and lunch on my diet dinner has been a problem. I will go in for a weigh in on Monday, and that will add accountability. I remind myself that if you had lost more weight or been a bit healthier you would probably still be here. I know when we are called home we go, but I want to do things to make sure I live past 59. You and uncle David didn't make it to your 60s, I think this has your brother Bill scared. I know I am scared by it myself. Roger and his fiance sent their wedding invitations, Kellie and I will be going. He seems to be really happy, I think it is definitely cool. Not much else to report today, love ya guy.

Some Loose Ends

Cheri will get out of the hospital today. I guess she was moved from her room last night, and is ready to come home. Mom bought her a new twin set, I delivered it when I came up. A twin set strapped to the roof of a car for 180 miles is a lot of fun. Mom is ready for Cheri to come home as she has been with Alex only for about 3 weeks. This hospital visit had a happier ending than yours. I hope everyone can stay healthy in 2008. We have gotten quite a bit of snow the last couple of days, mom says she has gotten a lot too. She sounded pretty stressed last night (mom), so I tried to cheer her up a little, but I think I failed. Kellie and I started our workouts again last night. We had been bad the last couple of days, it feels good to work out. I love that feeling of fatigue, and strength. The Spartan women are not doing very well. Pistons and Wings won last night. The Wings are the best in the NHL right now. The NHL played an outdoor game on New Years Day. It seems to have gone over well. The Iowa caucus is today, I am still not sure whom will get my vote, I think things are fairly scary politically. I also don't see much difference between the parties any more. I plan on taking your mini urn with me to Vegas, I fly out on Tuesday the 29th. We will be staying at the Mirage. Love ya guy.

New Years Day

The stores were open today, but a big snow storm kept us pretty slow. I had to drive all the way from the East side of Cleveland to Norwalk for dinner, this is a long drive with clear roads. I made decent time all things considered. We had pork, sauerkraut and rice. All of which are traditional to have at Kellie's parents house for New Years. When we did our New years eve toast I wanted to say:"To friends lost this past year may they stay in our hearts and minds, and may the passing of the old help to heal the wounds of their loss." But thought it might bring people down some. Kellie's friend Amanda and her husband Sean and their triplets all came over on New Years Eve, we played a card game called Taboo. It was fun. Not a whole heck of a lot going on right now. I was torn yesterday because Michigan played their bowl game. I want to root for the Big Ten, but then again I always like to see a Michigan loss (they did win though). Cheri is going to find out today when she will be getting out of the hospital, I haven't heard anything yet, but will let you know. I asked Kellie to get rid of my copy of Sahara, as I can't watch it and not be able to call you and discuss all of what they did wrong. James did start reading Clive, or at least has picked up a couple of books. His newest book is not Dirk Pitt, and actually sounds pretty interesting. I hope in heaven you are able to take long walks on the beach. Watch the sun rise and set. I hope Tanis is right and you are playing fetch with Pugglett. I hope that your pain is gone and that you know how much we all miss you. Love ya guy.

New Year New Start

I am starting a new year without you. Time starts to heal all things. I have been through a few turbulent months now. I think you prepared me for them. I learned my work ethic from you. I plan on being more motivational in my job, and finally understand the working smarter not harder concept. I have some big plans to implement. Of course I am going to lose weight, and continue to work out. I think you will be proud of where I am headed in that aspect. I know there were a lot of things you wanted to do that your body just wouldn't let you. I know growing up you really loved amusement parks, well this year I will have lost enough weight that I will ride every roller coaster at Cedar Point in memory of you. I will be a better husband and father. I learned from you how to provide for a family, and that the man should make sacrifices for his family, I just wish you had taught me to show more emotion. I think it sucks that we never really talked about love until these last couple of years. In your eulogy I told people that a few years ago you started saying love ya guy, and that was about as mushy as you ever got. I WILL tell my son every chance I get, and I will let him know when I am proud of him. Sometimes lessons are learned by observing and doing the opposite. I think this new year will be awesome. Day one is filled with promise and hope, I just wish you were here to see it. Love ya guy.