It is not that....

I don't have anything to say. I just can't always find time and I don't like to do it during work hours, but I work a lot of hours. I will try to do better with posts. What hasn't happened since my last post? Well here in a nutshell is the order of events:

1. We had the summer party, it was a lot of fun as usual. Beautiful weather and great food.

2. Vacationed in Michigan. Stayed up at Aunt Janis's cabin. Took mom to Duck lake on her birthday, thought it was cool to see where you took the picture. Kellie and Tanis went on their first dune ride and had a lot of fun.

3. Spartan football started the season 8 and 0 and are tied for first place in the Big Ten.

4. Halloween came and went. We carved pumpkins.

5. Tanis Celebrated his 7th birthday at Kalahari. We had a lot of fun. Mom and Alex came down for it. My family all rode several water slides and had a lot of fun. Tanis had his first piano recital.

6. Your 3 year anniversary came and went and I feel some of the pain has lessened. I am ready to let some of the things I was holding on to go.

I want to talk more. I need guidance and a friendly ear. I will miss you next week every time I go out to the grill. Love ya guy.

Deck Update

I have been working on this thing for a month now. June 30th I rented the post hole digger. Friday I got the stairs attached. All that is left is to finish the railing and attach a railing to the stairs. Then for bonus points I am going to attach a door to the stairs to keep young ones safe. It has been a hard job and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but perseverance has seen me through (mostly). Love ya guy.

Happy Birthday

Kellie shared a post of her happiest birthdays, but I decided to share the history of game consoles I have gotten for my birthdays.

The First one I remember was back when I turned 14 (I believe). That was the year I wanted an Atari 2600 so bad. I unwrapped my resent to find a Commodore VIC 20. A bit of a let down, but it had cartridges and games and I learned how to program in basic. This was a gateway computer as I would own the Commodore 64 (hey in the 80's who didn't) and the Amiga 500. It was fun but not quite what It thought I was getting.

A couple years later I got a Vectrex for my birthday. This was an all in one console and I am sure most people have never heard of it. It was on clearance and I talked my mom into it and several games. Short lived fun.

The next one was in 1992, my first year at Cedar Point. I got a SUPER NINTENDO for my birthday. This is probably my favorite birthday console present and I still have it to this day. In fact just a couple of weeks ago I beat Yoshi's Island again. My son loves playing all of the games on it That first summer my roommates and I played the heck out of F-Zero shaving 10th of a second of each others time.

A couple of years ago Kellie and Tanis bought me a Nintendo DS. A year later Tanis would get his own for Christmas. As a family we have had a lot of fun playing games oddly enough Brain Age has been our favorite. The DS is a great system and I like the versatility. I love the old school games best though.

This year Kellie and Tanis bought me a PS3. I haven't hooked it up yet as I promised myself I wouldn't play it until the deck was done. Will this unseat the SNES? Only time will tell.

Now as a side note for those of you who know me...Yes I have owned other systems, but most of those have been Christmas presents or just because they were in stock (N64 and Wii are good examples of this). love ya guy.

I wish I could....

Blame the meeting this morning for why I didn't workout or work on the deck but the truth was it was nice and cool and the bed felt too comfortable. I did both yesterday and am on target to have the deck going on tomorrow. Today has been a bit weird, we had a short meeting and traffic has been a little slow at the store. Tonight I am going to catch up on the deck but also cook fish and chips for Kellie and Tanis. The deck is going to look a little funny in spots but will be strong.

The LeBron nonsense has come to an end mostly. He is leaving Cleveland and going to Miami. I know you would have ripped him for the way he did it, and he really did make an ass of himself. He also has tarnished his legacy or as I said he went from being king of Cleveland to queen of Miami. I guess Izzo made a great choice not going to Cleveland, although I believe that is why he chose the way he did. Love ya guy.

2 Days......In A Row?

I didn't have time to work out this morning, but I did have time to work on the deck. I started by sorting the wood and getting all the boards I needed which were near the bottom of the stack. I then framed the main part. I have to finish securing the rest of the frame and make some adjustments. I made the mistakes I knew I made but I think I can make most of those disappear with the actual decking. My next biggest concern is the stairs. I don't think I will be able to attach them where the plans say to, nor do I think I want to attach them there. But I don't really have to worry about the stairs until next week. I hope to have at least one of the planks attached by Sunday (hopefully all of them). Next week will be the rails and the stairs. After the stair are done I will have to come up with a gate but if I can build a deck I can build a gate. My family has enjoyed the pool regardless, the deck will just make it that much more. Tanis is getting very good at swimming and diving.

Ok, I need to vent. I do not care where LeBron James goes just as long as he decides and I don't have to listen to it anymore. It has been non-stop. I think you would have been annoyed by this but probably would have asked me about the local perspective which seems to be stay or go just decide.

Mom is holding it together but I know she is very concerned and I feel bad because there isn't really anything I can do. I hope something changes so she can retire at some point but the stress now has postponed that.

A customer of mine does art restoration and pointed me in a direction to get the Poe lithograph restored. She told me to look into it's value first as Poe stuff is highly sought after right now. I never even thought it could have some value but I do want to get it re-inked if I can. I wish I remembered more about what you said about the print. I also thought about the cigar box lids you used to have and wonder what ever happened to those, I always thought those were pretty cool. Love ya guy!

Back to basics

A lot of time goes between posts! I forget the main reason i started this blog was to have conversations with you. I miss you and know that a lot of the family could use you right now. Things are kind of crazy for mom but I respect her for what she does. the two of you taught me never to turn my back when someone needs help. We all have been hurt by this but know to do the right thing isn't easy. Okay so I am dodging details to keep the peace but I want to thank you for the lessons you taught me. I am still struggling with the final lesson and do not know why I can get focused on getting healthy.

So, lets catch up. A week ago I rented a post hole digger and started to build a deck for my pool. It is going okay but it would help if I could learn to cut a straight line. I have a target of next Sunday for the deck to be finished. I could have used some advice for building it but my boss Joey has been helpful in his suggestions.

Tom Izzo says Michigan is his home and he will stay there.

Work has been crazy a lot of people on vacation so a lot of extra work.

Last week I got a Tempurpedic bed and am trying to get used to it. So far it has been okay but not 100% yet.

Today I found one of the accessories for my Hummer that I have wanted and it is very affordable. I hope to be able to order it by the end of the month, it is a chrome Hummer emblem for the front of the car.

Tanis is doing well and has started riding grown up roller coasters this year. So far he has ridden the: Gemini, Magnum XL200, Wild Cat, Blue Streak...I think that is it so far. He liked them all but his favorite is the Wild Cat (mainly because he has wanted to ride that one for years).

Our party is planned for August 8th and we are looking forward to it. Kellie is trying to paint the outside the house in time for the party but heat and weather have wreaked havoc with her plans.

For Fathers day mom sent me a card that you had bought. It was a very bittersweet moment, a flood of emotions. It was like having you there for a moment. Father's day was amazing because we went fishing and Tanis actually caught 2 blue gills and I caught nothing. He had a blast and told mom all about it. Love ya guy.

Tom Izzo

Tom Izzo is being courted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, as of this post he has not decided yet. I will not be happy about this. The Red Wings were knocked out in the second round of the Cup. The Tigers are doing okay. Love ya guy.

New Post....A New Begining?

It is not that I haven't had anything to say. I have been in a funk and surrounded by people in a funk. I have tried to stay positive, but I haven't really exercised for a week and a half. I don't know why I find the need to sabotage myself. I make some real headway and then I lose my way. I find myself looking for something again. I don't know what it is but as usual I turn to food. One more this one more that it will fill the emptiness. It never does. I have had a lot of loss in my life and am not sure I am strong enough. We should be having another baby any day now but that didn't turn out. I should be able to talk to you face to face but that didn't turn out. This past weekend was the second annual memorial golf outing for you, I was not able to go but I am not sure I could have done it. I keep telling myself I forgive you but some days it is very hard. The thing you could have done for me I can't do for my son. At some point this is going to have to change or I will be gone. I guess this is a little heavier than I wanted it to be, but I really need to find a place to express myself. So much crazy is going on right now. Love ya guy.

Sparty

Saturday was the final four game and Sparty lost. It was a BAD game and we deserved to lose, but I am proud they made it to the final four. The Red Wings are struggling for a playoff spot. The Tigers start the season today against the Royals. And the Pistons are rebuilding I guess. Love ya guy.

Forgiven

Yesterday was Easter. It was another holiday I didn't get spend with you. I had finished reading The Shack a couple of weeks ago and this post has been brewing since. I realized I needed to forgive you for leaving me. That is the real anger I have, I am mad that you left me. I really do forgive you and when I say it out loud I feel better. I really do forgive you, and I know I will see you again. I will get by without you physically being here. Once I let the anger go it was amazing to feel the happy memories. I also forgave God yesterday for taking the children away from Kellie and me. It feels strange to forgive God but I don't want the anger anymore. I want to feel the healing and to know in my heart that there is a good reason that bad things happen. I am not going to stop talking to you, but I think I can take the anger out of it now. I do forgive you and I do miss you. Love ya guy.

Which way to look

Today has been a mildly retrospective day. I have definitely looked back. I viewed pictures of you and had some good memories. But today is one of those days where time doesn't feel linear because at the same time i wondered what my son will think of me. It was amazing last night when I held him and he started to fall asleep in my arms, he hasn't done that in a long time. As I looked around the kitchen and saw my family and my house I realized why I do what I do. See yesterday was an extremely draining day. Work kicked my ass and I was down but my family made me happy quickly. This was an older post I never published. Love ya guy.

Luck?

This winter I have had major luck with the snow blower. My snow blower has started the first pull all winter long and that has never happened before. Thank you if you are helping with that. We have been hit with a lot of snow the last couple of days and with the wind the snow has piled up. On Saturday I was reminded that God is there if you ask. I ended up in a ditch and was getting really frustrated and I was about to loose it when I yelled out " God help me." A couple minutes later a pick up truck stopped and offered to help pull me out. Love ya guy.

Happy Belated Birthday

Although I wished you happy birthday on Facebook. You would have been 62 this past Saturday. This year I didn't see anything to buy you like I have in the past. At Christmas the Chow Chow calendar still crosses my mind. I am amazed when I tell people that you would have been 62 and they reply that it is young, dying at 59 was young. I want to celebrate your life and all that you have accomplished. I am letting my anger toward you go. I need to change for my son and I have decided to make that change. I know I have talked about this before and I still have a strong desire to eat when I get stressed. I have to work on making a fundamental change. I need to talk to you more often. I am watching the snow pile up outside the window and can't help but think of the trip mom is on. She was near the shuttle when it launched and I know she was thinking of you. I am making myself sad right now so I think I am done for today, love ya guy.

A New Hope

A new year has started. I hope that this year can bring some changes. I hope this year to be less angry with you and myself. I hope to change my weight situation. I hope to forgive you. I hope to get out on the golf course this year. I hope to be able to ride some coasters at Cedar Point. I hope to celebrate a Spartan bowl victory (today). I hope to learn more patience. I hope to love with all my heart and put myself out there totally. I hope for a lot of things, but am not convinced that anything has really changed but the calendar. We all have grand dreams and some of mine included you being here for a long time. i always dreamed of going on the Canada fishing trip with you and maybe Tanis as well. I know mom dreamed about a lot of thing with you. I think this year will be a good year for us all. I think we will all continue to grow. I promise this year to not forget but to work very hard to forgive. I promise to weigh less next week than I did this week, and even less the following week and on and on. I promise to let you play with any of clocks but if you could stop getting the cuckoo 15 minutes fast I would appreciate it. Love ya guy.